Thursday, September 13, 2012
A Chance
Did I used to have a chance and lose it? I don't think I lost it, but my life isn't as good.
Not a Joke
It's funny how you think that only some people have to suffer because of reveling in others's quirks which would be not be pleasing for you to have. It's not like they're perfect nor qualified to dictate your life. I realized it was just a joke, but in a way it's not.
Speakers
My speakers are crackling when the music I record is just a little loud and even on YouTube. :*(
On, no!
I've lost my new glasses I use when I'm not on the computer.
Also, why is my dad always so onto me? I realize sometimes my mom is illogical.
Also, why is my dad always so onto me? I realize sometimes my mom is illogical.
Blogging
It's a nice peaceful feeling and desire. I haven't been contacted by any modeling agencies. I'll be awake I'm pretty sure to send in to a more responsive place.
I'm looking at this Christian acting program I applied for, some big thing where like they casted the little girl in We Bought a Zoo and Megan Fox and I think other well-known people. It seems the event takes place in January, but I found there is a bridge program. I don't see why I couldn't have gotten out and done this. I mean, at the time, I didn't feel totally like going out. If I make it, it will be June. This one is in January.
So, my mom wants me prepared to get in school, so I'm starting to memorize I guess 1 1|2 monologues and will have to get some letters of recommendation. I don't think I want to go by van, though, nor bus, which would take like 2 hours.
Lately, I guess, like I mean tonight and another night, I was feeling affected in a good way just generally, not focusing on like a body part or something.
I found schools with theater online: 1 2 3
... applying to the last one and cooking!
I'm looking at this Christian acting program I applied for, some big thing where like they casted the little girl in We Bought a Zoo and Megan Fox and I think other well-known people. It seems the event takes place in January, but I found there is a bridge program. I don't see why I couldn't have gotten out and done this. I mean, at the time, I didn't feel totally like going out. If I make it, it will be June. This one is in January.
So, my mom wants me prepared to get in school, so I'm starting to memorize I guess 1 1|2 monologues and will have to get some letters of recommendation. I don't think I want to go by van, though, nor bus, which would take like 2 hours.
Lately, I guess, like I mean tonight and another night, I was feeling affected in a good way just generally, not focusing on like a body part or something.
I found schools with theater online: 1 2 3
... applying to the last one and cooking!
Romantic Feelings in Life
Ever just want to get up, spread your arms ... and like experience eating and stuff and have things go smoothly? Without the bumps in the road? That you've met people who've wanted to see you?
Dream
So, for me, the feeling was good, which I anticipate if someone gets close to me in that fashion. It was sorta a romantic exchange, but like a ghost I didn't feel anything I guess.
I wonder if I will ever be interacted with romantically in real life. I've made too many mistakes though am considered a good person like more than everyone else other than making errors for somewhat quirky causes.
So, it was like a complex feeling, apparently stemming from a deep relationship outside of interacting physically but like together and not surprising.
I can only think how much someone would like to be in my shoes.
I wonder if I will ever be interacted with romantically in real life. I've made too many mistakes though am considered a good person like more than everyone else other than making errors for somewhat quirky causes.
So, it was like a complex feeling, apparently stemming from a deep relationship outside of interacting physically but like together and not surprising.
I can only think how much someone would like to be in my shoes.
Dream
So, with the paint brushes I was in a dark place lying down.
When I was being carried, since it's interesting, I was sorta comfortable but didn't want to see it.. :/ I sorta felt like I was flopping but was probably closer than I'd imagine. I was constantly in motion it seemed. Apparently, this person cared about me and liked me. I was actually trying to feel safe but not perverted, at all, like I was being stimulated in a silly way, which is something that sometimes I feel magneting me, if not often, though happy to know technically and in real life I don't do this. So sweet kids today are so over other people. I wasn't really stimulated at all. I was just being interacted with physically. I sorta felt loved, though. I was having a parent child relationship in which I felt comfortable for some reason and called the person Mom|Dad almost sorta under my breath. I was so happy. So happy to find such a nice person. :) After all, it was a scary environment. Not sure how that connects exactly, but it's how things were. :| Maybe for awhile I felt older for some reason but not really. It's funny, I just felt so comfortable in my dream, like I wanted more, like not that I was being carried but being cared about. I didn't really feel stimulated. I didn't feel silly, neither. Sorta European. :p It wasn't that physical, though. I had to think of it as it went along.
When I was being carried, since it's interesting, I was sorta comfortable but didn't want to see it.. :/ I sorta felt like I was flopping but was probably closer than I'd imagine. I was constantly in motion it seemed. Apparently, this person cared about me and liked me. I was actually trying to feel safe but not perverted, at all, like I was being stimulated in a silly way, which is something that sometimes I feel magneting me, if not often, though happy to know technically and in real life I don't do this. So sweet kids today are so over other people. I wasn't really stimulated at all. I was just being interacted with physically. I sorta felt loved, though. I was having a parent child relationship in which I felt comfortable for some reason and called the person Mom|Dad almost sorta under my breath. I was so happy. So happy to find such a nice person. :) After all, it was a scary environment. Not sure how that connects exactly, but it's how things were. :| Maybe for awhile I felt older for some reason but not really. It's funny, I just felt so comfortable in my dream, like I wanted more, like not that I was being carried but being cared about. I didn't really feel stimulated. I didn't feel silly, neither. Sorta European. :p It wasn't that physical, though. I had to think of it as it went along.
Dreams
Wow, I finally slept a lot but woke up in between at least 2 or 3 times. I slept for 9 1|2 hours, probably awake in bed for 1 hour.
I don't remember all my dreams, but some of it was strange in that I had to think of it myself.
I think it was something about commercials or TV. Apparently I did something wrong in my dream or was a bad person, too. Some stuff happened before that seemed sorta abstract yet was concrete. So, I was in bed in a house with my family and relatives, apparently, and maybe others. I heard a little girl, for some reason, that everyone did some how say how she wanted to get me, like with her dog. We found the girl was at our door. I saw a huge dog kinda like a bear but not like as big as you know a polar bear. It had a big triangular yet rounded face. The dad was there and he finally opened the screen door. The dog growled and came up to me and apparently I was too tired to move. I just kissed it and said good dog and it liked me. They ended up leaving and the dog stayed. My mom was talking about getting dog food.
I guess the peak for me sorta was something soaked in. I've been wanting to get closer to others, and some things just came to my mind. So, this person knew I was on edge in my life, also in this dream as you can see. It was like I was never really safe, but I don't feel this way in real life. So, it was almost like there was this person at my bed who wanted to check me out under my clothes and for some reason, which felt natural at the time, was like sorta pulsing or something. Not really, but it was just an idea for something. Then, some other things maybe and pretty much the person started carrying me around the rest of the dream, which was kinda abstract. I do think about being close to people, sorta romantically, but I don't usually think of people picking me up physically, actually. :| So, it was kinda a surprise. For awhile, I was stimulated, but that went away. I was used to feeling safe when my mom was carrying me, so I guess I still have that lasting feeling. However, that was only when I was like 3 and under, and I was small when I was 3.
So, the things that really happened were like the dog. It started licking me and stuff. It was creepy how that girl, who was like 5, hated me and wanted to, apparently, kill me.
Why you show others affection can be for various reasons, usually just because you feel close. I suppose this often happens to young people from like middle aged people who are artistic or like them in some way?
I guess one reason to carry someone would be to make them feel safe. Another reason would be to elevate them in life.
It's sweet but hard to talk about, I guess. :| It's hard to say all that encompasses the physical affection I was seeking in my dream with others. It's not that I wanted it from just anyone nor necessarily someone close.
Oh yea, and my aunt told my mom what to do. I said something about my cousin to my aunt and that I could tell her what to do because I was 26. She just agreed, but I quickly added I think, "but I'm not." I was in bed.
Oh, yea, and I finally was sleeping without the music on, iTunes radio. I still feel sore. I did jogging and strength training yesterday morning. :| I think I will go have some hamburgers and post online and probably go back to bed. I have somewhere to go Friday.
I guess something else I'll add is I've been successful in using the restroom when needed but held #2 when I woke up around 7:00 or 8:00 P.M. and was unable to when I woke up. I didn't feel it, so, after that, but I felt not as good as I could.
So, it was a good dream. Kinda sadistic.
I was anticipating having a dream where someone was actually picking me up and carrying me. I had explained some before, but this one, though I had to stimulate it, was more real and much longer than 2 that I remember. So, I was in a house alone with this person when it happened, supposedly the same sorta big house I was in before that turned into a smaller house. It had a warm hue. In my dream I was matching opposites of warm and cool colors with metallic shades. I also was painting a paint bush. We had one big one and one small one for art. The big one was like half the size of what you paint a wall with. We were supposed to get a few more, enough for everyone. Someone was there with me. It was a lady. There was someone strict in it in an experience like a commercial.
So, I hope my day goes better and no bad words pop up to a wrong extreme, if at all. Guess I'll go cook the hamburgers and post online. :| Ice cream for dessert maybe with chocolate chip cookies. I ran out of soup, but I have a little left I guess I'll heat up first with a chicken strip with cheese and Triscuits. :p
So, here I go. I'm too tired to work out now. I mean, I could take a walk maybe after I sleep more. Oh, also, I have to watch "The Ellen DeGeneres Show." I just fell asleep yesterday. So, we'll see. It's only 12:23, and I hope I'm in bed again by 6:00 A.M., if not earlier. :) I liked those more romantic, comfortable dreams with Tim Burton and sorta chasing or trying to get the attention of without feeling Ellen DeGeneres.
I don't remember all my dreams, but some of it was strange in that I had to think of it myself.
I think it was something about commercials or TV. Apparently I did something wrong in my dream or was a bad person, too. Some stuff happened before that seemed sorta abstract yet was concrete. So, I was in bed in a house with my family and relatives, apparently, and maybe others. I heard a little girl, for some reason, that everyone did some how say how she wanted to get me, like with her dog. We found the girl was at our door. I saw a huge dog kinda like a bear but not like as big as you know a polar bear. It had a big triangular yet rounded face. The dad was there and he finally opened the screen door. The dog growled and came up to me and apparently I was too tired to move. I just kissed it and said good dog and it liked me. They ended up leaving and the dog stayed. My mom was talking about getting dog food.
I guess the peak for me sorta was something soaked in. I've been wanting to get closer to others, and some things just came to my mind. So, this person knew I was on edge in my life, also in this dream as you can see. It was like I was never really safe, but I don't feel this way in real life. So, it was almost like there was this person at my bed who wanted to check me out under my clothes and for some reason, which felt natural at the time, was like sorta pulsing or something. Not really, but it was just an idea for something. Then, some other things maybe and pretty much the person started carrying me around the rest of the dream, which was kinda abstract. I do think about being close to people, sorta romantically, but I don't usually think of people picking me up physically, actually. :| So, it was kinda a surprise. For awhile, I was stimulated, but that went away. I was used to feeling safe when my mom was carrying me, so I guess I still have that lasting feeling. However, that was only when I was like 3 and under, and I was small when I was 3.
So, the things that really happened were like the dog. It started licking me and stuff. It was creepy how that girl, who was like 5, hated me and wanted to, apparently, kill me.
Why you show others affection can be for various reasons, usually just because you feel close. I suppose this often happens to young people from like middle aged people who are artistic or like them in some way?
I guess one reason to carry someone would be to make them feel safe. Another reason would be to elevate them in life.
It's sweet but hard to talk about, I guess. :| It's hard to say all that encompasses the physical affection I was seeking in my dream with others. It's not that I wanted it from just anyone nor necessarily someone close.
Oh yea, and my aunt told my mom what to do. I said something about my cousin to my aunt and that I could tell her what to do because I was 26. She just agreed, but I quickly added I think, "but I'm not." I was in bed.
Oh, yea, and I finally was sleeping without the music on, iTunes radio. I still feel sore. I did jogging and strength training yesterday morning. :| I think I will go have some hamburgers and post online and probably go back to bed. I have somewhere to go Friday.
I guess something else I'll add is I've been successful in using the restroom when needed but held #2 when I woke up around 7:00 or 8:00 P.M. and was unable to when I woke up. I didn't feel it, so, after that, but I felt not as good as I could.
So, it was a good dream. Kinda sadistic.
I was anticipating having a dream where someone was actually picking me up and carrying me. I had explained some before, but this one, though I had to stimulate it, was more real and much longer than 2 that I remember. So, I was in a house alone with this person when it happened, supposedly the same sorta big house I was in before that turned into a smaller house. It had a warm hue. In my dream I was matching opposites of warm and cool colors with metallic shades. I also was painting a paint bush. We had one big one and one small one for art. The big one was like half the size of what you paint a wall with. We were supposed to get a few more, enough for everyone. Someone was there with me. It was a lady. There was someone strict in it in an experience like a commercial.
So, I hope my day goes better and no bad words pop up to a wrong extreme, if at all. Guess I'll go cook the hamburgers and post online. :| Ice cream for dessert maybe with chocolate chip cookies. I ran out of soup, but I have a little left I guess I'll heat up first with a chicken strip with cheese and Triscuits. :p
So, here I go. I'm too tired to work out now. I mean, I could take a walk maybe after I sleep more. Oh, also, I have to watch "The Ellen DeGeneres Show." I just fell asleep yesterday. So, we'll see. It's only 12:23, and I hope I'm in bed again by 6:00 A.M., if not earlier. :) I liked those more romantic, comfortable dreams with Tim Burton and sorta chasing or trying to get the attention of without feeling Ellen DeGeneres.
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