Thursday, September 13, 2012
A Chance
Did I used to have a chance and lose it? I don't think I lost it, but my life isn't as good.
Not a Joke
It's funny how you think that only some people have to suffer because of reveling in others's quirks which would be not be pleasing for you to have. It's not like they're perfect nor qualified to dictate your life. I realized it was just a joke, but in a way it's not.
Speakers
My speakers are crackling when the music I record is just a little loud and even on YouTube. :*(
On, no!
I've lost my new glasses I use when I'm not on the computer.
Also, why is my dad always so onto me? I realize sometimes my mom is illogical.
Also, why is my dad always so onto me? I realize sometimes my mom is illogical.
Blogging
It's a nice peaceful feeling and desire. I haven't been contacted by any modeling agencies. I'll be awake I'm pretty sure to send in to a more responsive place.
I'm looking at this Christian acting program I applied for, some big thing where like they casted the little girl in We Bought a Zoo and Megan Fox and I think other well-known people. It seems the event takes place in January, but I found there is a bridge program. I don't see why I couldn't have gotten out and done this. I mean, at the time, I didn't feel totally like going out. If I make it, it will be June. This one is in January.
So, my mom wants me prepared to get in school, so I'm starting to memorize I guess 1 1|2 monologues and will have to get some letters of recommendation. I don't think I want to go by van, though, nor bus, which would take like 2 hours.
Lately, I guess, like I mean tonight and another night, I was feeling affected in a good way just generally, not focusing on like a body part or something.
I found schools with theater online: 1 2 3
... applying to the last one and cooking!
I'm looking at this Christian acting program I applied for, some big thing where like they casted the little girl in We Bought a Zoo and Megan Fox and I think other well-known people. It seems the event takes place in January, but I found there is a bridge program. I don't see why I couldn't have gotten out and done this. I mean, at the time, I didn't feel totally like going out. If I make it, it will be June. This one is in January.
So, my mom wants me prepared to get in school, so I'm starting to memorize I guess 1 1|2 monologues and will have to get some letters of recommendation. I don't think I want to go by van, though, nor bus, which would take like 2 hours.
Lately, I guess, like I mean tonight and another night, I was feeling affected in a good way just generally, not focusing on like a body part or something.
I found schools with theater online: 1 2 3
... applying to the last one and cooking!
Romantic Feelings in Life
Ever just want to get up, spread your arms ... and like experience eating and stuff and have things go smoothly? Without the bumps in the road? That you've met people who've wanted to see you?
Dream
So, for me, the feeling was good, which I anticipate if someone gets close to me in that fashion. It was sorta a romantic exchange, but like a ghost I didn't feel anything I guess.
I wonder if I will ever be interacted with romantically in real life. I've made too many mistakes though am considered a good person like more than everyone else other than making errors for somewhat quirky causes.
So, it was like a complex feeling, apparently stemming from a deep relationship outside of interacting physically but like together and not surprising.
I can only think how much someone would like to be in my shoes.
I wonder if I will ever be interacted with romantically in real life. I've made too many mistakes though am considered a good person like more than everyone else other than making errors for somewhat quirky causes.
So, it was like a complex feeling, apparently stemming from a deep relationship outside of interacting physically but like together and not surprising.
I can only think how much someone would like to be in my shoes.
Dream
So, with the paint brushes I was in a dark place lying down.
When I was being carried, since it's interesting, I was sorta comfortable but didn't want to see it.. :/ I sorta felt like I was flopping but was probably closer than I'd imagine. I was constantly in motion it seemed. Apparently, this person cared about me and liked me. I was actually trying to feel safe but not perverted, at all, like I was being stimulated in a silly way, which is something that sometimes I feel magneting me, if not often, though happy to know technically and in real life I don't do this. So sweet kids today are so over other people. I wasn't really stimulated at all. I was just being interacted with physically. I sorta felt loved, though. I was having a parent child relationship in which I felt comfortable for some reason and called the person Mom|Dad almost sorta under my breath. I was so happy. So happy to find such a nice person. :) After all, it was a scary environment. Not sure how that connects exactly, but it's how things were. :| Maybe for awhile I felt older for some reason but not really. It's funny, I just felt so comfortable in my dream, like I wanted more, like not that I was being carried but being cared about. I didn't really feel stimulated. I didn't feel silly, neither. Sorta European. :p It wasn't that physical, though. I had to think of it as it went along.
When I was being carried, since it's interesting, I was sorta comfortable but didn't want to see it.. :/ I sorta felt like I was flopping but was probably closer than I'd imagine. I was constantly in motion it seemed. Apparently, this person cared about me and liked me. I was actually trying to feel safe but not perverted, at all, like I was being stimulated in a silly way, which is something that sometimes I feel magneting me, if not often, though happy to know technically and in real life I don't do this. So sweet kids today are so over other people. I wasn't really stimulated at all. I was just being interacted with physically. I sorta felt loved, though. I was having a parent child relationship in which I felt comfortable for some reason and called the person Mom|Dad almost sorta under my breath. I was so happy. So happy to find such a nice person. :) After all, it was a scary environment. Not sure how that connects exactly, but it's how things were. :| Maybe for awhile I felt older for some reason but not really. It's funny, I just felt so comfortable in my dream, like I wanted more, like not that I was being carried but being cared about. I didn't really feel stimulated. I didn't feel silly, neither. Sorta European. :p It wasn't that physical, though. I had to think of it as it went along.
Dreams
Wow, I finally slept a lot but woke up in between at least 2 or 3 times. I slept for 9 1|2 hours, probably awake in bed for 1 hour.
I don't remember all my dreams, but some of it was strange in that I had to think of it myself.
I think it was something about commercials or TV. Apparently I did something wrong in my dream or was a bad person, too. Some stuff happened before that seemed sorta abstract yet was concrete. So, I was in bed in a house with my family and relatives, apparently, and maybe others. I heard a little girl, for some reason, that everyone did some how say how she wanted to get me, like with her dog. We found the girl was at our door. I saw a huge dog kinda like a bear but not like as big as you know a polar bear. It had a big triangular yet rounded face. The dad was there and he finally opened the screen door. The dog growled and came up to me and apparently I was too tired to move. I just kissed it and said good dog and it liked me. They ended up leaving and the dog stayed. My mom was talking about getting dog food.
I guess the peak for me sorta was something soaked in. I've been wanting to get closer to others, and some things just came to my mind. So, this person knew I was on edge in my life, also in this dream as you can see. It was like I was never really safe, but I don't feel this way in real life. So, it was almost like there was this person at my bed who wanted to check me out under my clothes and for some reason, which felt natural at the time, was like sorta pulsing or something. Not really, but it was just an idea for something. Then, some other things maybe and pretty much the person started carrying me around the rest of the dream, which was kinda abstract. I do think about being close to people, sorta romantically, but I don't usually think of people picking me up physically, actually. :| So, it was kinda a surprise. For awhile, I was stimulated, but that went away. I was used to feeling safe when my mom was carrying me, so I guess I still have that lasting feeling. However, that was only when I was like 3 and under, and I was small when I was 3.
So, the things that really happened were like the dog. It started licking me and stuff. It was creepy how that girl, who was like 5, hated me and wanted to, apparently, kill me.
Why you show others affection can be for various reasons, usually just because you feel close. I suppose this often happens to young people from like middle aged people who are artistic or like them in some way?
I guess one reason to carry someone would be to make them feel safe. Another reason would be to elevate them in life.
It's sweet but hard to talk about, I guess. :| It's hard to say all that encompasses the physical affection I was seeking in my dream with others. It's not that I wanted it from just anyone nor necessarily someone close.
Oh yea, and my aunt told my mom what to do. I said something about my cousin to my aunt and that I could tell her what to do because I was 26. She just agreed, but I quickly added I think, "but I'm not." I was in bed.
Oh, yea, and I finally was sleeping without the music on, iTunes radio. I still feel sore. I did jogging and strength training yesterday morning. :| I think I will go have some hamburgers and post online and probably go back to bed. I have somewhere to go Friday.
I guess something else I'll add is I've been successful in using the restroom when needed but held #2 when I woke up around 7:00 or 8:00 P.M. and was unable to when I woke up. I didn't feel it, so, after that, but I felt not as good as I could.
So, it was a good dream. Kinda sadistic.
I was anticipating having a dream where someone was actually picking me up and carrying me. I had explained some before, but this one, though I had to stimulate it, was more real and much longer than 2 that I remember. So, I was in a house alone with this person when it happened, supposedly the same sorta big house I was in before that turned into a smaller house. It had a warm hue. In my dream I was matching opposites of warm and cool colors with metallic shades. I also was painting a paint bush. We had one big one and one small one for art. The big one was like half the size of what you paint a wall with. We were supposed to get a few more, enough for everyone. Someone was there with me. It was a lady. There was someone strict in it in an experience like a commercial.
So, I hope my day goes better and no bad words pop up to a wrong extreme, if at all. Guess I'll go cook the hamburgers and post online. :| Ice cream for dessert maybe with chocolate chip cookies. I ran out of soup, but I have a little left I guess I'll heat up first with a chicken strip with cheese and Triscuits. :p
So, here I go. I'm too tired to work out now. I mean, I could take a walk maybe after I sleep more. Oh, also, I have to watch "The Ellen DeGeneres Show." I just fell asleep yesterday. So, we'll see. It's only 12:23, and I hope I'm in bed again by 6:00 A.M., if not earlier. :) I liked those more romantic, comfortable dreams with Tim Burton and sorta chasing or trying to get the attention of without feeling Ellen DeGeneres.
I don't remember all my dreams, but some of it was strange in that I had to think of it myself.
I think it was something about commercials or TV. Apparently I did something wrong in my dream or was a bad person, too. Some stuff happened before that seemed sorta abstract yet was concrete. So, I was in bed in a house with my family and relatives, apparently, and maybe others. I heard a little girl, for some reason, that everyone did some how say how she wanted to get me, like with her dog. We found the girl was at our door. I saw a huge dog kinda like a bear but not like as big as you know a polar bear. It had a big triangular yet rounded face. The dad was there and he finally opened the screen door. The dog growled and came up to me and apparently I was too tired to move. I just kissed it and said good dog and it liked me. They ended up leaving and the dog stayed. My mom was talking about getting dog food.
I guess the peak for me sorta was something soaked in. I've been wanting to get closer to others, and some things just came to my mind. So, this person knew I was on edge in my life, also in this dream as you can see. It was like I was never really safe, but I don't feel this way in real life. So, it was almost like there was this person at my bed who wanted to check me out under my clothes and for some reason, which felt natural at the time, was like sorta pulsing or something. Not really, but it was just an idea for something. Then, some other things maybe and pretty much the person started carrying me around the rest of the dream, which was kinda abstract. I do think about being close to people, sorta romantically, but I don't usually think of people picking me up physically, actually. :| So, it was kinda a surprise. For awhile, I was stimulated, but that went away. I was used to feeling safe when my mom was carrying me, so I guess I still have that lasting feeling. However, that was only when I was like 3 and under, and I was small when I was 3.
So, the things that really happened were like the dog. It started licking me and stuff. It was creepy how that girl, who was like 5, hated me and wanted to, apparently, kill me.
Why you show others affection can be for various reasons, usually just because you feel close. I suppose this often happens to young people from like middle aged people who are artistic or like them in some way?
I guess one reason to carry someone would be to make them feel safe. Another reason would be to elevate them in life.
It's sweet but hard to talk about, I guess. :| It's hard to say all that encompasses the physical affection I was seeking in my dream with others. It's not that I wanted it from just anyone nor necessarily someone close.
Oh yea, and my aunt told my mom what to do. I said something about my cousin to my aunt and that I could tell her what to do because I was 26. She just agreed, but I quickly added I think, "but I'm not." I was in bed.
Oh, yea, and I finally was sleeping without the music on, iTunes radio. I still feel sore. I did jogging and strength training yesterday morning. :| I think I will go have some hamburgers and post online and probably go back to bed. I have somewhere to go Friday.
I guess something else I'll add is I've been successful in using the restroom when needed but held #2 when I woke up around 7:00 or 8:00 P.M. and was unable to when I woke up. I didn't feel it, so, after that, but I felt not as good as I could.
So, it was a good dream. Kinda sadistic.
I was anticipating having a dream where someone was actually picking me up and carrying me. I had explained some before, but this one, though I had to stimulate it, was more real and much longer than 2 that I remember. So, I was in a house alone with this person when it happened, supposedly the same sorta big house I was in before that turned into a smaller house. It had a warm hue. In my dream I was matching opposites of warm and cool colors with metallic shades. I also was painting a paint bush. We had one big one and one small one for art. The big one was like half the size of what you paint a wall with. We were supposed to get a few more, enough for everyone. Someone was there with me. It was a lady. There was someone strict in it in an experience like a commercial.
So, I hope my day goes better and no bad words pop up to a wrong extreme, if at all. Guess I'll go cook the hamburgers and post online. :| Ice cream for dessert maybe with chocolate chip cookies. I ran out of soup, but I have a little left I guess I'll heat up first with a chicken strip with cheese and Triscuits. :p
So, here I go. I'm too tired to work out now. I mean, I could take a walk maybe after I sleep more. Oh, also, I have to watch "The Ellen DeGeneres Show." I just fell asleep yesterday. So, we'll see. It's only 12:23, and I hope I'm in bed again by 6:00 A.M., if not earlier. :) I liked those more romantic, comfortable dreams with Tim Burton and sorta chasing or trying to get the attention of without feeling Ellen DeGeneres.
Wednesday, September 12, 2012
Bothered
It was hard for me to enjoy the substance of one of my music videos tonight. :| My dad barged into my room. I left a note that I was too tired to go with him to get pizza. He was like shouting and knocking on my door and then opened the door wide with the light on and was over at my computer turning down the classical music. I got up to close the door and he stomped on a bug.
Tim Burton
So, pretty much because he has a family that's what his life centers on and pretty soon he won't be as big a deal because his life has become so contained or private.
Tuesday, September 11, 2012
Dreams
They're too hard to remember. I know it was about seeing people on TV singing. I was noticing their nuances for no given reason. It was annoying me like they were cursing. I couldn't do anything about it.
Young People
I notice some young people are incessant that you're in trouble.
Also, I don't think you can just go all the way with them and change them. I think I've seen things like that happen. You know it won't be perfect, though. Change is always for the better, in some ways, it seems sometimes.
I forgot but had some other way of wording my first sentence.
I was disturbed while I was just singing, too.
Ah! I wonder if I will go to sleep and wake up for supper.
Also, I don't think you can just go all the way with them and change them. I think I've seen things like that happen. You know it won't be perfect, though. Change is always for the better, in some ways, it seems sometimes.
I forgot but had some other way of wording my first sentence.
I was disturbed while I was just singing, too.
Ah! I wonder if I will go to sleep and wake up for supper.
Downer
I want to eat out with my dad but feel I may be asleep and am running out of good food.
I'm getting my blood taken, having an African American therapist drive me to sign up for help for school, and getting a brain scan in the next 2 weeks. I'm going to study theater if I don't get in a movie or something big enough. My mom said this sign up process could last half a year to a year but not sure why.
So, I'm pretty upset by all this.
I'm getting my blood taken, having an African American therapist drive me to sign up for help for school, and getting a brain scan in the next 2 weeks. I'm going to study theater if I don't get in a movie or something big enough. My mom said this sign up process could last half a year to a year but not sure why.
So, I'm pretty upset by all this.
Why I Wouldn't...
want to be in a lot of Tim Burton films like Johnny Depp...
I wonder if other people would. Already his kids have been in 2.
It just doesn't seem right. I don't have to always be with one person.
I don't really think anyone would like it if I wanted to be, neither.
It's not to say no one else could. I wonder if some people work so much better with him than others. I'm not one for riling up attention. It always embarrasses me and makes me feel guilty, but I obviously like to put on a show.
Why I think I wouldn't be right otherwise to be in like say 3 of his movies would be because I just don't feel it's for me. I feel like more mature. I mean it would be fun to be in his like class for a year or something like that I mean. I imagine being in one movie of his would be nice. He's pretty old. I don't have to want to be in any of his movies. I imagine just being in more than one movie with him or a choice person would be a treat in and of itself.
I wonder if other people would. Already his kids have been in 2.
It just doesn't seem right. I don't have to always be with one person.
I don't really think anyone would like it if I wanted to be, neither.
It's not to say no one else could. I wonder if some people work so much better with him than others. I'm not one for riling up attention. It always embarrasses me and makes me feel guilty, but I obviously like to put on a show.
Why I think I wouldn't be right otherwise to be in like say 3 of his movies would be because I just don't feel it's for me. I feel like more mature. I mean it would be fun to be in his like class for a year or something like that I mean. I imagine being in one movie of his would be nice. He's pretty old. I don't have to want to be in any of his movies. I imagine just being in more than one movie with him or a choice person would be a treat in and of itself.
Something Nice
Tim Burton seems to like to just keep going. That's his thing. If something is right, just keep going. I know I do that with like if I find something is nice.
Being Knocked Out!
I'm wondering if people are trying to knock me out to see if I can regain consciousness or some form of thinking intelligently again.
Living the Dream
So, I'm good and it's not okay because I'm 1|2 Chinese-Indonesian and part Native American.
I curse but never to hurt others and supposedly I can't live the dream of fun as a young adult! I did stop cursing but only started just so as to set others at ease, I guess, but not much, you know like online maybe saying, "Oh my God!" or "Hell" or "stupid," as well, and pretty much any word.
I curse but never to hurt others and supposedly I can't live the dream of fun as a young adult! I did stop cursing but only started just so as to set others at ease, I guess, but not much, you know like online maybe saying, "Oh my God!" or "Hell" or "stupid," as well, and pretty much any word.
Being Wronged
It seems people are just trying to scare me, telling me I have to do all this stuff and account for things others don't and that it's no good the good I am.
Also, I'm worried, I won't go by my parents's inklings that don't make sense to criticize me and am worried they want to affect my future. I mean my kids. Like, they threaten me with time to mull over something I did wrong that wasn't on purpose, but just a thought, a reaction from being attacked because people area always thinking of curse words around me.
Also, I'm worried, I won't go by my parents's inklings that don't make sense to criticize me and am worried they want to affect my future. I mean my kids. Like, they threaten me with time to mull over something I did wrong that wasn't on purpose, but just a thought, a reaction from being attacked because people area always thinking of curse words around me.
Monday, September 10, 2012
I guess I'm timid around some people on Twitter, so don't bother getting into me.
True, I will post, probably, maybe more soon, even. :)
True, I will post, probably, maybe more soon, even. :)
Nothing Interesting to Do
but eat and sleep.
I guess I'll hope I'm awake during the day sometime tomorrow so I can apply to an agency.
I think if I go to school I have to live on campus. I don't really want to go anywhere.
I guess I'll hope I'm awake during the day sometime tomorrow so I can apply to an agency.
I think if I go to school I have to live on campus. I don't really want to go anywhere.
My Life
So, shouldn't people be allowed to do whatever they want?
I don't really like picking at things that aren't there.
I feel that my life is like at a standstill, but so is others's. It's certainly become more organized. It's also too bad I went to the mental hospital, but that's not the worst of it. Well, maybe. :p
I don't really like picking at things that aren't there.
I feel that my life is like at a standstill, but so is others's. It's certainly become more organized. It's also too bad I went to the mental hospital, but that's not the worst of it. Well, maybe. :p
Americans
Did you notice a lot of Americans do "whatever you say" trying to look innocent and then feel at ease?
I can pretty much justify my actions and reactions.
I can pretty much justify my actions and reactions.
Things for Others
Did you notice suddenly some things are reserved for some people that are rather bizarre that you'd like to try?
Dream
I think the other eradicating animal was a timid yet forward in a way furry ball, kinda brownish. I was kinda solid and in charge.
Tim Burton
I wonder if Tim Burton's daughter and Helena Bonham Carter will be at the Frankenweenie premieres.
Well, I think it would be nice, but it would probably take his attention away from others, whereas I know with other people it wouldn't. Johnny Depp is with Amber Heard, and she seems to be having a reserve with him somehow, though it seems Helena Bonham Carter with Tim Burton is nice like a family and all. I think it's nice when famous people interact with others like that, but like I know it changes things in the end. They have reasons for doing things. I just hope they're the desired reasons, in the end. If not, then I guess you have to do something else about it later.
Still, it will still be the premiere and the same people involved will be there and it'll probably get posted on YouTube. :)
Well, I think it would be nice, but it would probably take his attention away from others, whereas I know with other people it wouldn't. Johnny Depp is with Amber Heard, and she seems to be having a reserve with him somehow, though it seems Helena Bonham Carter with Tim Burton is nice like a family and all. I think it's nice when famous people interact with others like that, but like I know it changes things in the end. They have reasons for doing things. I just hope they're the desired reasons, in the end. If not, then I guess you have to do something else about it later.
Still, it will still be the premiere and the same people involved will be there and it'll probably get posted on YouTube. :)
Tim Burton
I just meant the whole world is hyped over him and other people like him. I took a long break from looking into him and am kinda hyped over him at the present.
Tim Burton's Daughter
What do you think of the idea|fact we all know his daughter squeals in joy at the fact that she can see Tim Burton maybe almost every day and I guess is rich and famous and that other people don't and she realizes a lot of people would like to and that she isn't like I dunno some certain way I can't describe.
My Nose
My nose was set up for tragedy. It was as wide as it should be.
I was sleeping at an office, and when I came out my nose was bigger. I felt disturbed by the noise, from one worker there.
I was sleeping at an office, and when I came out my nose was bigger. I felt disturbed by the noise, from one worker there.
My Lips
Also, somehow my aunt knew I was upset and talked to me but I wasn't upset with her and I felt self-conscious about my lips in a picture. Now, I saw her talk to me again, and it came back. That's so obsessive, but I suppose I'm left with no choice but to fight through it for some reason, not as bad as before. It was quite a big deal..
Help!
I enjoy posting online, and ever since I thought someone was acting like they wanted me to call them the "n" word, but not in a more painful way, people have been weird around me, like they know. I didn't tell anyone for awhile.
Anyway, when I go to use the clock, I think of my grandma about "time" and it's super-annoying to live like that. I don't think of anyone every time I look at something even if it's a picture of them.
Anyway, when I go to use the clock, I think of my grandma about "time" and it's super-annoying to live like that. I don't think of anyone every time I look at something even if it's a picture of them.
Finally Off?
I thought I was finally off something.
My parents quit doing things by the day somehow. I wonder why it came back. They figured it was useless to keep doing it. I just won't start, again, thinking in that mindset. They seem to be buffering it. You know, no one cares about them.
Who thinks thinking is all about judging others too harshly?
My parents quit doing things by the day somehow. I wonder why it came back. They figured it was useless to keep doing it. I just won't start, again, thinking in that mindset. They seem to be buffering it. You know, no one cares about them.
Who thinks thinking is all about judging others too harshly?
Stimulation
I don't literally want some people to think of one day stimulating me in a certain way in a funny way, but I do want to have a relationship with them, especially at least now.
Violent Thoughts
I'm still feeling bad about my violent thoughts. They were sorta like a mist above me, I just sorta went crazy at a certain thought, that I'd have to keep waiting to be on good terms with my parents because of a thought that came to my mind. They just won't stop, it seems, since this certain incident. They weren't graphic, just sorta a reaction. It seems people understand and wouldn't want to be in my position. They might be more equipped in ways with how to judge their behavior.
I think the risk is going away of me doing this again as vividly. I would get mad if I was able to become stimulated in a way I don't want to be and by someone I don't want to have stimulate me, at least not like that nor in the same attempt at how I've interacted with others, at least not at this time.
I think the risk is going away of me doing this again as vividly. I would get mad if I was able to become stimulated in a way I don't want to be and by someone I don't want to have stimulate me, at least not like that nor in the same attempt at how I've interacted with others, at least not at this time.
Thoughts
Why do weird thoughts keep coming to my mind, now? When I do something that's not like perfect, something comes up.
Dream
The best part of the dream was that Tim Burton was in it, this time. :) Everyone thought he was so important, and then it was realized that I would be venerated as him if I weren't mixed race and half Chinese-Indonesian. I imagined him in feeling holding me, like a little ball of animal, as though he were sorry for me and stimulating me in a certain way that was a little silly, too, but it was pretty stimulating but not totally stimulating, needless to say. I was like outside in a hedge area.
I guess the most horrific thing was that there was this one part where I was in with vermin. There was this one like Scrat that was so shockingly scary and vicious. We'd pound it off its host, which was a tail for some reason of something standing, and it'd regenerate very quickly and bite something again, not much in the room. It came up like a fire, so quick and snappy. We tried like knocking it out maybe. I think my animal was like a good Scrat that once or twice bit and ripped its stretching thinning neck so hard it severed, but it was still alive and kicking. There was another little animal doing it with me. I was just horrified it was hurting someone, but it was so scary. I knew all along how to get it out was to blow it out, and we did and for some reason it was attacked to like a balloon with parts of it turned into hedge and like stretched out, no longer moving for some reason, hurt with no incentive. I realized waking up that it could attack someone else out there and we should have thought to cage it. It does remind me of me talking about Tim Burton's family all the time, which maybe there's no point, anymore. Now, it's more about him but also thinking of the liberties he gives his daughter, also was about the power he gave his girlfriend, etc.
There was another point early in the dream where I was getting a oblong thick donut that supposedly had chocolate and cream in it. There was a little chocolate sticking out. Someone got in front of me and I was gonna get a new one I noticed in the mix, which was also larger and smaller ones, the larger ones not having as much frosting and the smaller ones having maybe pink and white with sprinkles.
I guess something else important was I imagined a boy letting me have him carry me. I was all stimulated and jittery but not like very stimulated, just kinda in streaks|pieces. He didn't want me to feel like that anymore and only if I was just at his side with my legs sticking in front of me somehow, but it left a hurt feeling of something I'd done too much and I couldn't feel anything but a stoppage of slight acute pain. I just felt that way from my life.
I was at a camp, too.
The most interesting part was meeting Tim Burton, but he left because I was feeling guilty and so were others about the zone.
You can't have me feel something for someone, at a distance, and suddenly you think I've messed up when it wasn't on purpose nor supposedly a big deal at first and think I will then interact with someone else in the way I only did with one other person.
I guess the most horrific thing was that there was this one part where I was in with vermin. There was this one like Scrat that was so shockingly scary and vicious. We'd pound it off its host, which was a tail for some reason of something standing, and it'd regenerate very quickly and bite something again, not much in the room. It came up like a fire, so quick and snappy. We tried like knocking it out maybe. I think my animal was like a good Scrat that once or twice bit and ripped its stretching thinning neck so hard it severed, but it was still alive and kicking. There was another little animal doing it with me. I was just horrified it was hurting someone, but it was so scary. I knew all along how to get it out was to blow it out, and we did and for some reason it was attacked to like a balloon with parts of it turned into hedge and like stretched out, no longer moving for some reason, hurt with no incentive. I realized waking up that it could attack someone else out there and we should have thought to cage it. It does remind me of me talking about Tim Burton's family all the time, which maybe there's no point, anymore. Now, it's more about him but also thinking of the liberties he gives his daughter, also was about the power he gave his girlfriend, etc.
There was another point early in the dream where I was getting a oblong thick donut that supposedly had chocolate and cream in it. There was a little chocolate sticking out. Someone got in front of me and I was gonna get a new one I noticed in the mix, which was also larger and smaller ones, the larger ones not having as much frosting and the smaller ones having maybe pink and white with sprinkles.
I guess something else important was I imagined a boy letting me have him carry me. I was all stimulated and jittery but not like very stimulated, just kinda in streaks|pieces. He didn't want me to feel like that anymore and only if I was just at his side with my legs sticking in front of me somehow, but it left a hurt feeling of something I'd done too much and I couldn't feel anything but a stoppage of slight acute pain. I just felt that way from my life.
I was at a camp, too.
The most interesting part was meeting Tim Burton, but he left because I was feeling guilty and so were others about the zone.
You can't have me feel something for someone, at a distance, and suddenly you think I've messed up when it wasn't on purpose nor supposedly a big deal at first and think I will then interact with someone else in the way I only did with one other person.
Importance
Do you know people who think they are so important as to affect your life in fundamental ways?
All-Knowing
Do you know certain kinds of people who just like sorta flicking you off like they know everything? There's always a reason.
Sarcasm and Repetition
I find people are sarcastic and repetitive and incessant with me. Not the general public, just a select individuals who think they have authority over things.
People Trusting Me
I used to put up with waiting for feeling okay, but I realized there was no sense in that and so did people much older than me.
I think people pretty much think I'm in check now and everything I do is for a reason. There's too much rapport and tragedy in my past. There's no room for error or something to throw me off in a sensitive state.
I think people pretty much think I'm in check now and everything I do is for a reason. There's too much rapport and tragedy in my past. There's no room for error or something to throw me off in a sensitive state.
Disturbed
I was feeling very upset again and am very upset about it, but I didn't do anything.
These thoughts are kinda faded in my background, now. Hopefully they won't come up again, anyway.
I'm not even sure which thoughts bother who. I was concerned they would pop up, and people understand I had this concern.
These thoughts are kinda faded in my background, now. Hopefully they won't come up again, anyway.
I'm not even sure which thoughts bother who. I was concerned they would pop up, and people understand I had this concern.
Bothered
I was trying to sleep but woke up bothered.
I don't want my parents controlling my life, emotionally and socially, at 26. They were supposed to have already backed off out of respect. They've been at me for years since punching my wall one time when I was upset at racism online on the Johnny Depp board on IMDb.
They're not supposed to even touch me.
They seem to have a thing of thinking if something goes wrong that is kinda normal that I have to be on guard for a certain period of time. I'm not doing that, but I'm getting an extended "message" that may just be play. I don't need them.
I'm most mad I don't have my relationship as well with them as it was. }:[
I don't want my parents controlling my life, emotionally and socially, at 26. They were supposed to have already backed off out of respect. They've been at me for years since punching my wall one time when I was upset at racism online on the Johnny Depp board on IMDb.
They're not supposed to even touch me.
They seem to have a thing of thinking if something goes wrong that is kinda normal that I have to be on guard for a certain period of time. I'm not doing that, but I'm getting an extended "message" that may just be play. I don't need them.
I'm most mad I don't have my relationship as well with them as it was. }:[
Parents and Kids
So, a parent can introduce a kid to something the other parent didn't experience but seemed in the end set up to.
Changing
Should a parent become like their kids when others like them the way they are and so do they?
Tim Burton
I wonder what Tim Burton's big plan was after Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. I mean he even looks like Willy Wonka. It seems like he only wants to be around very good people and very bad people. I'm not like that. :(
Combining the Two
So, basically people combined their needs into going against me as the same thing.
Nell Burton
It seems like Helena Bonham Carter and Tim Burton's daughter wants to change their father.
Deciding What I Really Want to Feel
I think I can make my own decisions and not follow the desires|lives of others.
Great Pains
It's interesting how you can go through great pains to do some things and not do some things.
Sunday, September 9, 2012
Feeling Bad :(
I feel bad because I felt funny about my lips after noticing them in a picture I put on Facebook. I was mad because I was talking to someone, and it made me notice them more and feel like I messed up on them. It's still not perfect.
I want to go somewhere but feel bad about how I reacted to these things on different levels. I was like in convulsions. I was already upset, of course, not sure why that happened.
I want to go somewhere but feel bad about how I reacted to these things on different levels. I was like in convulsions. I was already upset, of course, not sure why that happened.
Dream
The most important part was we were going to visit Kate Bush. I found a totally lacy knee length white dress with short sleeves. I was gonna put on some thick lacy white gloves. I had on white stockings with a light run by the socks. I was playing with what socks to wear and had to put on my covered white shiny shoes. We were to visit her at either 5 or 8 and it was 5:15. They had just called. They left without me and I woke up. They were gonna get me at 7:30.
I think I had a dream I was talking to her and she was touching me.
So, before that, we were walking around this place. I was gonna write down a previous dream, but it's hard to remember.
There was one part where I saw an attractive lady who looked kinda like Kate Bush when I was with my aunt and cousin. She looked like her when she was younger with more crimpled hair.
Before we went to see Kate Bush after getting back I was looking at her site and it was different. There was a section for kids supposedly and on that tab a link to get an account. I don't know why I wasn't getting ready.
There was one part where my aunt was joking around in the front seat of the car looking like a rock singer from the 70s in a way. My grandma was with me and I feel good about her. We thought about how I ate, and supposedly I was the best. However, she made me feel like Kate Bush was still a baby but still liked to baby others herself. It was a feeling that seeped in from under us. However, it was a sort of "different" kind of idea. I didn't realize it was her who I had the idea with until I woke up.
The happiest part of this dream was getting ready to see Kate Bush while she was in town at her house, so clean and fancy and slender with my white lace on. I was also printing out a letter for her and ran out of paper so wasn't ready I guess. I was on the 3rd paragraph.
Oh yes, also, supposedly I was near Disney in a nicer place of the Orlando area. I was like at a mall and then was gonna see Kate Bush then. I saw some kids, like a tall slender young girl with light brown|dark blonde a little curly hair and bangs, so peaceful.
I think I had a dream I was talking to her and she was touching me.
So, before that, we were walking around this place. I was gonna write down a previous dream, but it's hard to remember.
There was one part where I saw an attractive lady who looked kinda like Kate Bush when I was with my aunt and cousin. She looked like her when she was younger with more crimpled hair.
Before we went to see Kate Bush after getting back I was looking at her site and it was different. There was a section for kids supposedly and on that tab a link to get an account. I don't know why I wasn't getting ready.
There was one part where my aunt was joking around in the front seat of the car looking like a rock singer from the 70s in a way. My grandma was with me and I feel good about her. We thought about how I ate, and supposedly I was the best. However, she made me feel like Kate Bush was still a baby but still liked to baby others herself. It was a feeling that seeped in from under us. However, it was a sort of "different" kind of idea. I didn't realize it was her who I had the idea with until I woke up.
The happiest part of this dream was getting ready to see Kate Bush while she was in town at her house, so clean and fancy and slender with my white lace on. I was also printing out a letter for her and ran out of paper so wasn't ready I guess. I was on the 3rd paragraph.
Oh yes, also, supposedly I was near Disney in a nicer place of the Orlando area. I was like at a mall and then was gonna see Kate Bush then. I saw some kids, like a tall slender young girl with light brown|dark blonde a little curly hair and bangs, so peaceful.
My Life
Please leave me alone and not center my life on what doesn't concern me.
Stop messing with my life.
Stop messing with my life.
Grotesque
I don't like being cornered as guilty and grotesque.
I can function and get by.
All good things come to an end.
I can function and get by.
All good things come to an end.
Cooling Off
I was just going along, but it seems things went wrong. I wonder what things will be like today and if I will need to cool off.
My Mom
It seems like my dad didn't like my mom being attentive to me and wished I was more stimulated in a bad way.
I don't know, but I do think she cared about me and listened to my dad.
I don't know, but I do think she cared about me and listened to my dad.
Leave me alone!!!!
I wish people would quit irritating me and ruining my day and making a big fuss over things. Leave me alone!!!!
You can't do that.
Something really set me off.
People were getting nicer to me but start fighting with me for no reason.
I just don't do some things, no matter what other people do.
People come up with the strangest things and trade things around. You can't do that.
People were getting nicer to me but start fighting with me for no reason.
I just don't do some things, no matter what other people do.
People come up with the strangest things and trade things around. You can't do that.
My Behavior
I never had an attitude nor told my parents I hated them, except maybe in a note when I was 5.
Fetish
It seems there is a fetish with what thoughts enter my mind.
Also, people like to do things with double meanings.
People have been overly strict about my life when I'm pretty good considering the circumstances, and I'm the only one who likes to really think, just that I sometimes deal with older people.
Also, people like to do things with double meanings.
People have been overly strict about my life when I'm pretty good considering the circumstances, and I'm the only one who likes to really think, just that I sometimes deal with older people.
Tim Burton
Tim Burton is so annoying ... or is he? He doesn't seem to want people like me to participate in popular culture. He wants to make out like it's cool to please others. Why is he in the dirt?
Tim Burton's Daughter
They're always trying to please Tim Burton's daughter, yet they make it look like they're very strict on her.
My ear hurts.
My right ear drum feels tense from moisture from ear plugs and when I had a pimple last weekend. I have to stop wearing them, but the other ear is okay. I like them when I sleep, but I guess I shouldn't, dunno.
Agencies
I'm excited I'll be applying to casting agencies and maybe also modeling agencies and commercial agencies on Monday, at least this one popular place Monday.
Tim & Helena
So, basically, people put Helena Bonham Carter up on a pedestal as though I could grovel over her relationship with Tim Burton?
5'1"
I just found I'm 5'1" to 5'4". I used to be less than 5'1", maybe even less than 5'1|2". I stopped growing after we moved from Florida and was short but tall before.
All Getting Worse and Dying, Basically
What do you think of people finding satisfaction in others paying for their own wrongs?
What Others Say
I don't care what some people say, and NEITHER DOES ANYONE ELSE.
I|WE ALREADY KNOW WHAT WE'RE DOING AND DON'T EVEN HAVE TO THINK ABOUT IT!!!!
I|WE ALREADY KNOW WHAT WE'RE DOING AND DON'T EVEN HAVE TO THINK ABOUT IT!!!!
Saturday, September 8, 2012
Mean People
Why do people like others and want to hurt you because you like them and not want you to like them?
Bothered
Ah! I don't remember what I was going to say.
So, some people are always like ensuring that, like, they make it to the top or something?
Also, I don't believe in that if you do something about someone else that it's the same for you. It's more of a mathematical equation of relationships, and I don't make people's lives other than an ideal.
So, some people are always like ensuring that, like, they make it to the top or something?
Also, I don't believe in that if you do something about someone else that it's the same for you. It's more of a mathematical equation of relationships, and I don't make people's lives other than an ideal.
"I see your innocence slipping away..."
Gloria
You're always on the run now
Runnin' after somebody
You've gotta get him somehow
I think you've got to slow down
Before you start to blow it
I think you're headin' for a breakdown
So be careful not to show it
You really don't remember
Was it something that he said?
Or the voices in your head calling, Gloria?
Gloria
Don't you think you're falling?
If everybody wants you
Why isn't anybody calling?
You don't have to answer
Leave them hanging on the line
Calling Gloria
Gloria
I think they got your number
I think they got the alias
That you've been living under
But you really don't remember
Was it something that they said?
Or the voices in your head calling, Gloria?
Gloria
How's it gonna go down?
Will you meet him on the main line?
Or will you catch him on the rebound?
Will you marry for the money?
Take a lover in the afternoon?
Feel your innocence slipping away
Don't believe it's coming back soon
And you really don't remember
Was it something that he said?
Or the voices in your head calling, Gloria?
Gloria
Don't you think you're falling?
If everybody wants you
Why isn't anybody calling?
You don't have to answer
Leave them hanging on the line
Calling Gloria
Gloria
I think they got your number
I think they got the alias
That you've been living under
But you really don't remember
Was it something that they said?
Or the voices in your head calling, Gloria?
My Life
Why are people picking on me as different from other people?
Also, why is my life messed up? :|
I wish people would treat me like everyone else, in a certain way.
Also, why is my life messed up? :|
I wish people would treat me like everyone else, in a certain way.
Awkward
It seems like people like to make me feel not good about myself and them stimulate me about it quickly, but it doesn't go over that hard. :| It's sorta quick or kinda like a mist, not like anything bad.
Dreams
It's hard to remember them all. I think there were maybe 3. I slept another separate time, too.
The most important dream was I guess I was at another school where a famous person taught a class, Ellen DeGeneres. I was hanging around before the class would start, maybe the next day or in a few hours. I kept going up and talking to her, don't remember what, like chitter chattering to cheer her up, trying to get close to her, in ways. It was very proper, nothing weird. I think she was doing more than one program, too.
Another dream, I think a boy who was related to someone I was having carry me, and it seemed to ruin it for other experiences, for some reason. I kept wanting to be stimulated and stuff. The boy didn't want to. I held through like it wouldn't change anything for me, like I do with most things. It was kinda fun sometimes but not always. I was sorta being dragged around. Then, it was time to go. In this dream, I was with my family. Also, I remember a very tall lady, like 5'8", a little fat, kinda rounded, with dark sorta ruffled hair like totally carrying me and stuff. I'm not sure why I keep having these dreams. It's nice to "get it out" that way. I think the dream with Tim Burton, while a more premature dream, was a nicer one, properly speaking.
The most important dream was I guess I was at another school where a famous person taught a class, Ellen DeGeneres. I was hanging around before the class would start, maybe the next day or in a few hours. I kept going up and talking to her, don't remember what, like chitter chattering to cheer her up, trying to get close to her, in ways. It was very proper, nothing weird. I think she was doing more than one program, too.
Another dream, I think a boy who was related to someone I was having carry me, and it seemed to ruin it for other experiences, for some reason. I kept wanting to be stimulated and stuff. The boy didn't want to. I held through like it wouldn't change anything for me, like I do with most things. It was kinda fun sometimes but not always. I was sorta being dragged around. Then, it was time to go. In this dream, I was with my family. Also, I remember a very tall lady, like 5'8", a little fat, kinda rounded, with dark sorta ruffled hair like totally carrying me and stuff. I'm not sure why I keep having these dreams. It's nice to "get it out" that way. I think the dream with Tim Burton, while a more premature dream, was a nicer one, properly speaking.
Why?
Why do people want to like make you have people you are more reserved with be closer to you in a way you are with others?
Good. Done.
I take on stereotypes of others physically but don't actually experience those. :/ Good.
What's Already "There?"
Why do you have to do what you ended up doing as a kid? What if that's not what you wanted to do? You're supposed to change throughout life, at least in this day and age. People think we have a tendency to go way back. Like it's stronger, a very early stage or possibly birth or in the womb. I'm not sure what I was at conception, but we all evolve into something.
Affecting People
I never wanted for anyone to change their ways for me. I only offer suggestions for improvement.
My Eyes
My eyes don't give the same message being indented, anymore. I wonder if it will come back in some form. :/ It was fun, before.
Going Along With the Crowd
Some people just want to make a statement but will go along with the crowd.
People to Talk To
It'd be nice if it were okay to talk to someone.
Everyone is so stand off-ish.
I was looking for a good class in town but couldn't find one.
Everyone is so stand off-ish.
I was looking for a good class in town but couldn't find one.
Having a Hard Time With Certain People
Why are people calculating that I must hate them if I have a hard time with them.
How Things Go
Did you ever know that there are certain things you do to have certain things go certain ways?
Holding Yourself
A lot of people spend their life about holding one position in different ways with details and not acting like they need too much attention.
Comfort Zones
Even the way the Germans, as well as the French in a way, speak is very contained and like always comfortable.
Friday, September 7, 2012
Hating Your Parents
I know you use your kids as a tool for being more special, but I must admit there seems to be something going around of kids despising their parents or feeling too close to really get close. It seems almost like a law of nature. I used to like being cozy with my parents, but I eventually found other people to be more mushy and to affect me like that and I liked it a lot but with my parents I was used to holding myself in and being serious, for some reason. Well, my mom is Chinese-Indonesian and my dad is a little Native Amercian.
Your Own Kids
It seems people are always only vying for their biological kids.
It seems there are no exceptions for things in like calming down. I wonder how that gets dealt with in all instances. :(
It seems there are no exceptions for things in like calming down. I wonder how that gets dealt with in all instances. :(
Dream
I don't remember all of it. I was in class and had a friend. This one teacher was there and partly paying attention to me. She for some reason held my hand as I went out and I was supposed to go to a little office to do something. There was this big lady with black hair, kinda casual, and for some reason she picked me up and dangled me on the side at the office. I felt sheltered, though. I just felt where she held me. I didn't really like it.
There was another dream. I was supposed to go somewhere. I was supposed to spend time with someone. It seemed it was practice. I went to the place I was to leave with my mom, thinking I'd be spending time with her. I waited with another girl with blonde|dyed blonde hair, straight and smooth in a ponytail, medium-tall, kinda casual, kinda serious, with like a squared and more pointed chin. I thought she'd be the one I was with, but I guess it was something different. We were to go like on a bus and maybe go to different things like at camp. We got there somehow. People did stuff in front. I was wondering if Ellen DeGeneres was in charge, for some reason, because it was kinda like it, except I think we were outside. It seemed almost as if the stage was domed off. Anyway, I went up and someone gave me a folder of something I had. I shook someone's hand who gave it to me. It was "Für Elise." The guy, who at first I thought was a white girl, was a fair black guy. He asked if I needed time to practice. I was allowed a minute. I said I didn't but then said okay and played through it looking at the notes.
I guess before there was another dream. It was like a diction|speech class, big and like at a gym. I was delayed for some reason but ended up finding my song to do for next class I think, "O Holy Night." Well, part of it, like maybe like 4 lines.
What was prominent was that lady picking me up. I almost felt someone else did. I guess this is the 2nd dream like that. I didn't really like it, but it was an interesting dream. Touching people to me is an interesting topic.
There was another dream. I was supposed to go somewhere. I was supposed to spend time with someone. It seemed it was practice. I went to the place I was to leave with my mom, thinking I'd be spending time with her. I waited with another girl with blonde|dyed blonde hair, straight and smooth in a ponytail, medium-tall, kinda casual, kinda serious, with like a squared and more pointed chin. I thought she'd be the one I was with, but I guess it was something different. We were to go like on a bus and maybe go to different things like at camp. We got there somehow. People did stuff in front. I was wondering if Ellen DeGeneres was in charge, for some reason, because it was kinda like it, except I think we were outside. It seemed almost as if the stage was domed off. Anyway, I went up and someone gave me a folder of something I had. I shook someone's hand who gave it to me. It was "Für Elise." The guy, who at first I thought was a white girl, was a fair black guy. He asked if I needed time to practice. I was allowed a minute. I said I didn't but then said okay and played through it looking at the notes.
I guess before there was another dream. It was like a diction|speech class, big and like at a gym. I was delayed for some reason but ended up finding my song to do for next class I think, "O Holy Night." Well, part of it, like maybe like 4 lines.
What was prominent was that lady picking me up. I almost felt someone else did. I guess this is the 2nd dream like that. I didn't really like it, but it was an interesting dream. Touching people to me is an interesting topic.
Views
So, some people think that if you mess up you have to always act differently. A lot of people believe in mistakes and reasons.
Also, some people's point is that they don't want anything interesting said.
Also, some people's point is that they don't want anything interesting said.
Tim Burton's Kids
It seems that before Tim Burton's son had a more watery look, whereas their daughter did after.
Being Stimulated
I've gotten over feeling stimulated in a way I don't want to be, not sure why I ever had to feel that, must have been set up. It was actually pleasurable.
Feeling
When you feel something, do you feel it totally? I know some locations do the real thing in life.
Dream
I had a dream my middle finger had a white part on my nail, and then I just saw a picture of Tim Burton like that.
A Critical Side
I found Tim Burton and Johnny Depp to have a critical side they do not reveal. They seem to judge you for the pressure that's gone through your head.
Feeling in Pieces
I tend to feel things in pieces and not all at once.
I don't know why, but I feel things more from people from the midwest, even before I lived there.
I don't know why, but I feel things more from people from the midwest, even before I lived there.
Feeling
So ... I forget, like, I like to go on feeling something, but we all die and get over feeling things. Maybe, that depends on how we take care of ourselves. I tend to feel like a little from time to time. I guess we have to fix ourselves to fix right.
Messing Up
I don't really get why if you're a better person if you mess up in something radical that you have to feel worse about yourself and to an unhealthy point than others in the same reasons for being in situations.
Process
Are we in the process of getting me to mess up where others don't and then to slowly play around with my thoughts until we're tired?
Helena Bonham Carter
I wonder how long Helena Bonham Carter will be learning from and helping Tim Burton.
Minor Roles
It seems Tim Burton and Helena Bonham Carter will have some kinks in their next project, like you know, how they did Sweeney Todd, Alice in Wonderland, and then Dark Shadows.
Johnny Depp played a minor role like Helena Bonham Carter in one of his movies.
Johnny Depp played a minor role like Helena Bonham Carter in one of his movies.
Race
It seems that if you are with a person, you know them, like you've raised them from birth as a person.
I don't know about biologically. That might have something to do with like race.
I don't know about biologically. That might have something to do with like race.
Kids
Why are kids all different? I know I make compensations, but I'm still a person. I know things don't always work out. Some people think it's worse to be bad.
All-Knowing
I guess Chloë Moretz living briefly in the South and moving to NYC and becoming a child actor knows what I'm doing, but I'm the one who actually does it.
What Happens
Ever wonder what topic we were on to begin with?
It seems the hype is about people from the North thinking like people from the South.
It seems the hype is about people from the North thinking like people from the South.
Thursday, September 6, 2012
Doesn't Work
I don't think people can nor should try to get adults of older generations to replace ones of younger generations to like stimulate me like they would instead.
Things I Don't Really Want to Do
Why do people want me to do things I don't want to in certain situations? Why put that kind of pressure on me? It is weird, admittedly...
I just notice people are happy to discover I'm really imperfect, at least in my past, which they make count for various things.
I just notice people are happy to discover I'm really imperfect, at least in my past, which they make count for various things.
Not Making a Point
Some people think it's okay to not make the right point and do something really wrong. It's always been that way.
When You Stop Thinking
Some people seem to even bark at people for wanting to feel stimulated when they can't think of anything but not in a bad way, you know "what" I'm saying?
Minding Your Own Business
Why would people do something they aren't supposed to, why not just mind your own business?
Suggestions
Why do people do things just to be safe, like it seems they've discredited something near and dear?
Mad
I was able to achieve great hights, like when I produced a tone in being vocally conducted when I had an extremely slim waist that day and sometimes then. It's probably the same with other things. It stops after that, though.
Anyway, I know sometimes I think I can keep going in something forever and then don't and don't know why. I'm mad no one gives me a chance. People have told me I was too good growing up all the time, and now they act like I never was worth it but technically not now.
Anyway, I know sometimes I think I can keep going in something forever and then don't and don't know why. I'm mad no one gives me a chance. People have told me I was too good growing up all the time, and now they act like I never was worth it but technically not now.
Dream
I had another good long dream that was hard to remember. I was in this building. My mom was there, and my dad was also in the dream. There was a huge building where I stayed. I guess something was being filmed. Anyway, this was a castle. Our house was in a castle. It was like an elaborate castle, a sorta mansion sized castle. I don't remember what Tim Burton did this time, but I guess I've really gotten to know him from posting about him and seeing his videos of him. So, I'm not perverted, but anyway I got this idea from his interview. I had a good time around him. For some reason, though, we were like on the floor and I was on top. I was just playing, but I think he was hugging me and kissing me. I probably kissed him back? He kissed me on the face, like maybe the lips, big juicy kisses. He said he only kisses his wife and me. He's not really married, but they have kids. I don't know why they aren't married nor why Johnny Depp didn't marry his girlfriend, with whom he has 2 pre-teen kids. I was really sad when he left, though. Anyway, he was visiting me initially, I guess, and gave me a sleeveless shirt, like the ones I see at Wal-Mart, the sorta scratchy stretchy material I don't get. Something was about to happen. I left to go somewhere, and so did he. I know there was a fancy chair there, too. So, it was sad and I was really sad. I think I saw someone who used to live in the front of the castle. I don't remember all we did. She had a new set of parents. They were older, casual people, maybe around age 60-65. They were both obese. The mother "didn't have much of a figure" and dyed her hair like reddish, and the father was more obese. She went away with them, and I went back with my mom. I went and slept on a sofa, which was like my grandma's house, this time arranged with 3 sofas. I moved around them. I kept wanting to stimulate myself but not like directly. It was so bad, I was thinking of doing it on a person. It was something tacky where I wanted to get stimulated, in a radical way. It was a very submissive feeling. My dad got upset he knew I wanted to get a pillow and put myself all over it. I was under blankets on 2 or 3 sofas I was on, too. It was time to get up, and I guess breakfast was being gotten. I think, happily for me, after that, or maybe before, Tim Burton was supposed to visit me, you know for an hour or possibly 2 or possibly less. It was supposed to be fun, again, more civilized and contained. I was really looking forward to it. It was just going to be fun and yes I would feel a lot because that's what happens when you see people you like, I'd hope. Like, I was feeling all over. It wasn't anything inappropriate other than how I described. I was pretty sad, anyway, when he didn't actually come at all again. I was left wondering if he ever would come. It was in some room in this castle, which was kinda public. It was going to be very contained and proper. Just good fun. However, I woke up, to feeling like I was before I went to bed, stimulated. I don't know why I feel stimulated every time I get in bed. However, something bothered me, and I stopped feeling as stimulated and ending up stimulating myself physically. It didn't work, and I was happy for it. I tried twice. I am feeling better now, but after I wrote this dream I feel drained. I was gonna get up and sing. Maybe, I'll go eat and work out. I might have the living area to myself. I'll download Kate Bush's new version of "Running up That Hill," which she sung at the closing ceremony of the Olympics. She's been singing but not performing since the 80s. Well, I already have it on iTunes but will put it on my cell phone for if I run. The other song I have is Orla Fallon's "Carrickfergus." The other recording of her I like is the YouTube of her doing "Orinoco Flow" or "Sail Away," Enya's most famous song, I think, I'm pretty sure, or used to be, at least in Florida. So, anyway, now I feel kinda bad, like I was put off being stimulated and then tried to stimulate myself, had to, happy it didn't happen. I guess it won't. :)
Conclusion
It seems like Tim Burton lets|has Helena Bonham Carter somehow like rule the world. I just got that conclusion.
Compensation
So, some people enjoy early on sorta dizzying up your life? Like, artificially? Everyone has to compensate, at least in the U.S.?
Morality
It just seems they make their daughter make us jealous of her. It's been that way ever since a certain point, but it's always been an issue. It seems he giggles about it, his daughter. She takes precedence in issues of morality.
Tim Burton
I noticed Tim Burton makes things confusing because like he seems so smart and the actors seem so like jealous.
Intellectual People
Do you know when someone intellectual is in charge and it's nice but they decide to have fun but they're already in? Like, you know to feel pleasure for entertainment? Since that's what life's about? Isn't that what everyone else has to do?
Wednesday, September 5, 2012
Chloë Moretz
So, why are people wary about me around Chloë Moretz? Making such a big fuss about it? It seems to be known I Tweeted her every day. It was fun. I usually just Tweet her and Ellen DeGeneres, now. I didn't expect them to look, though, and tried to make it apparent.
The Influence of Others
Why is everyone so afraid of the influence of new people when in this day and age we already know how to get over it and it's a learning process? Sure, there are kinks, along the way.
Just Another Person
A lot of people seem to be impressing on me against my like ... well auditioning at first they were boring into me it seems how I have to seek out other opportunities rather than get into a movie right away.
Now, I got a drift about me being into more than one thing when others have sacrificed not to do so. That was like one of my things. It's something that made me who I am. It seems settled but will probably pop up again.
Also, it seems Chloë Moretz is of high interest because she seems interested in me secretly and I've been Tweeting her and others every day but now only stick to a few and haven't been Tweeting as much. People think I like tricked her into liking me. I don't know how it was settled I was worthless. You can't go around pretending things because you're worried of what others will say and do. I'm not worthless. I'm just another person. :|
Now, I got a drift about me being into more than one thing when others have sacrificed not to do so. That was like one of my things. It's something that made me who I am. It seems settled but will probably pop up again.
Also, it seems Chloë Moretz is of high interest because she seems interested in me secretly and I've been Tweeting her and others every day but now only stick to a few and haven't been Tweeting as much. People think I like tricked her into liking me. I don't know how it was settled I was worthless. You can't go around pretending things because you're worried of what others will say and do. I'm not worthless. I'm just another person. :|
Going Back to Bed
I only slept for about 2-3 hours. I was just listening to a 2nd Kate Bush interview from the past year.
Dream
Tim Burton had a 2rd movie out like Sweeney Todd and Alice in Wonderland.
I didn't get up and write about it right away.
I guess the movie was filmed live. I was marching through because I auditioned late rand got a role as an extra. There was like merry music, which I was really listening to on a radio, through a lush set in a big setting of set. Other stuff happened before I don't remember and more when I went back to bed. It was funny because Tim Burton followed as one of those people marching, and I could sense his presence like a real person.
I felt close to him as a person, so I crouched in a block and before he was all there but supposedly said, "Hey, Dad," because I wanted him to come over. I said that for some reason but didn't mean to, not too loudly. It's just something that happens. I said, "Hey, come here," and it seemed he didn't because he was surfacely mad and because I shied away after calling him "Dad."
Later, in the movie, he was in a sleigh, and someone was trying to like stimulate him in a selfish way as the center of the world, and, it was filmed or something in a way, it felt, and I was there, and he tried to share the joy.
There were some other funny parts.
I was talking to a girl who was in his last movie, whatever Alice in Wonderland was here. I think it was a young British girl, keen, without an accent in my dream.
I guess it had a Charlie and the Chocolate Factory echo, like when he left me. He was incredibly close, somehow, throughout, and I don't mean romantically.
I didn't get up and write about it right away.
I guess the movie was filmed live. I was marching through because I auditioned late rand got a role as an extra. There was like merry music, which I was really listening to on a radio, through a lush set in a big setting of set. Other stuff happened before I don't remember and more when I went back to bed. It was funny because Tim Burton followed as one of those people marching, and I could sense his presence like a real person.
I felt close to him as a person, so I crouched in a block and before he was all there but supposedly said, "Hey, Dad," because I wanted him to come over. I said that for some reason but didn't mean to, not too loudly. It's just something that happens. I said, "Hey, come here," and it seemed he didn't because he was surfacely mad and because I shied away after calling him "Dad."
Later, in the movie, he was in a sleigh, and someone was trying to like stimulate him in a selfish way as the center of the world, and, it was filmed or something in a way, it felt, and I was there, and he tried to share the joy.
There were some other funny parts.
I was talking to a girl who was in his last movie, whatever Alice in Wonderland was here. I think it was a young British girl, keen, without an accent in my dream.
I guess it had a Charlie and the Chocolate Factory echo, like when he left me. He was incredibly close, somehow, throughout, and I don't mean romantically.
Doing Something You Don't Want to Do
I wonder why you'd get upset at someone for doing something you don't want to do, anyway?
Being the Same
You can't suddenly wish for everyone to be the same.
Also, there are things that are precious to everyone, even if imperfect.
Also, there are things that are precious to everyone, even if imperfect.
Kids
Aren't you supposed to feel open with someone if they have kids because it's natural?
I know a lot of people might leave each other alone but maybe not.
It may be a big contest.
I know a lot of people might leave each other alone but maybe not.
It may be a big contest.
Acting Like You Want to Be in a Movie
So, if you wanted to do something, like be an actor, wouldn't you just do it?
Doing Things
I just found you're supposed to like go all the way and think something is inappropriate but do it regardless.
Feeling Things
I guess you just have to let yourself feel something if you want to feel it. It'll happen gradually, maybe moreso with a person's help. :)
The Real Thing
You're going to be mad and want the real person, but, yes, I do "use things in my own home" when I can.
Thoughts Online
Thoughts don't hurt me online because my brain got knocked out.
Ooh, I just felt the old tension in the front of my head on the sides.
Ooh, I just felt the old tension in the front of my head on the sides.
How It Happens
Some people don't want things as they should be, want you to do things that are weird that you're not supposed to do. Then, you're not accepted.
Obsession
I guess if someone is going to give attention to someone anyway that you can accept that for all people. Some people are used to always feeling one way but maybe can intensify it.
Having Fun With Chloë Moretz
I don't think I ruined it for Chloë Moretz. I didn't affect her too much, just had fun on Twitter.
More People
I'd rather have someone in my life. :(
So, it hurts people if one person is more special than everyone else.
So, it hurts people if one person is more special than everyone else.
In the Right Direction
It seems like I could have guided her in the right direction.
Maybe, Tim Burton doesn't like me. He seems to, though. He does like to separate people for strange reasons.
Maybe, Tim Burton doesn't like me. He seems to, though. He does like to separate people for strange reasons.
Other Than Your Family?
So, is Tim Burton really affective in real life to people other than his family?
Hey, I don't have any kids!
Hey, I don't have any kids!
Tweeting Chloë Moretz
What would happen to Chloë Moretz if Tim Burton directed her, with what little time she got, if I didn't Tweet her at night?
Other People
People are who they are from life, but you can have potential to be different.
Also, there seems to be an issue of certain people contacting others because of others they care for.
I guess some people learn from others.
Also, there seems to be an issue of certain people contacting others because of others they care for.
I guess some people learn from others.
Time
I know you can technically spend as much time as you want with anyone, but it seems that you can only spend time with your own parents and a boyfriend|husband.
It's nice to look up to someone, though.
It's nice to look up to someone, though.
Race
So, if you're nice to someone you deserve something, but supposedly that means giving something up racially.
What You Have
I guess a mix is what you're looking for in dealing with situations.
Just have a good time with what you have?
Just have a good time with what you have?
The Message
So, I seep in and tell certain people theoretically, without thinking, that they shouldn't do something, like what you feel as the decision to be in a movie.
However, physically, I encourage you.
Also, I can help you if I get a glimpse of you. ^00^
However, physically, I encourage you.
Also, I can help you if I get a glimpse of you. ^00^
Songs
I guess you can learn a song by listening to it more. Learn what happened in life. You have to grasp the basic parts. Still good to take a break when you need or doing certain things.
Smoother
I tend to not want to leave people|lose track of them. I know Tim Burton makes a big deal of if you take his time. I mean, how will things get better? Maybe smoother.
Simpler Times
It's interesting adults know how to stimulate kids but are not more developed than they are because their times were simpler.
Helena Bonham Carter
Why am I worked up in unnecessary ways over Helena Bonham Carter's relationship with Tim Burton?
Yes, I do like both of them.
I guess Tim just keeps going.
Yes, I do like both of them.
I guess Tim just keeps going.
Age
Also, that's what's happened, just so you know. In real life, I like to mingle with everyone, but it is suspicious. If I'm with kids, I can help them and have no one get in the way. If I'm alone, it's about if it's about me or someone else. With people, generally, it's about both. Like, if you're both getting attention from someone.
Having Kids
It's not about when you have kids but if you have them.
Certain people are wanted to be available to the public.
They also don't want you to mingle to much with one given person!
I know I like more than one person significantly enough that I wouldn't want to spend it with one love of my life, but it's more of if who needs me, like misses me as a young person or depending on comparing the age of different people who wants me more or is better for me? It's more of a thing of parents versus boyfriends. I can exist with just one.
Certain people are wanted to be available to the public.
They also don't want you to mingle to much with one given person!
I know I like more than one person significantly enough that I wouldn't want to spend it with one love of my life, but it's more of if who needs me, like misses me as a young person or depending on comparing the age of different people who wants me more or is better for me? It's more of a thing of parents versus boyfriends. I can exist with just one.
Tim Burton
Tim is with Helena. He's 1 of many men with women who is open to the public, maybe the only one, though, what difference does it make? Anyway, it seems race is an issue if you're interested in him emotionally.
Less of a Mix
It seems people hoard more to people with less of a mix, even just in European ethnicities, I mean.
Keep Going
You have to be able to keep going.
I do look up to a lot of people, though, for being smart.
I do look up to a lot of people, though, for being smart.
Chinese
Chinese who are in their culture longer have a more build-up of the important traits they have.
Cold
I started watching Siw Inger on YouTube, and she's from Sweden and all of a sudden I felt cold.
Mixes
I guess kids are different today because people are mixed.
Also, it seems easier for people to get by who are all one ethnicity.
I guess you could be a complimentary mix.
Also, it seems easier for people to get by who are all one ethnicity.
I guess you could be a complimentary mix.
Race
I guess being indian compliments being Chinese.
It seems you have to chop up your race if you are mixed.
It seems you have to chop up your race if you are mixed.
Why was I tricked?
Why was I tricked into doing something on the internet that got me in trouble, virtually, as well as physically?
Making It
I guess you have to make decisions in life to survive.
It's sad people are closing up as time goes on.
It's sad people are closing up as time goes on.
Getting Mad at Me
Why do people want to say everything is because of something I thought I was supposed to do?
Kate Bush
Kate Bush is the most competent person in the world, but I don't know why. I heard Tim Burton was Canadian.
All Knowing
So, how do Americans chop things up and like know what you'll think from something simple?
Bi-Racial
So, people who are bi-racial in America with an American father and a mother from Europe tend to chop things up in a certain way, though I can't remember why I thought that. Oh yea ... I have more than one European race from my dad but have Native American and maybe Jewish.
Perfect People
I guess people who are good have to be more lax so they can survive because of others.
Native American
I guess everyone in America has been affected not being trusted if they're Native American. It's just that it's not as valuable as Middle Eastern. I don't see why it would be less valuable than African American.
Health
I took a walk after eating Pizza Hut before my dad cut the grass. I jogged for 1 hour 15 minutes and walked for about an hour. I came back and rested and decided to go again. I hurt and my waist and found it was because of my tight workout clothes.
We're not having Pizza Hut every week. I suggested a different pizza restaurant but want to take out something like Applebee's, Chili, Olive Garden, or Cracker Barrel. We'll probably eat at the restaurant.
We're not having Pizza Hut every week. I suggested a different pizza restaurant but want to take out something like Applebee's, Chili, Olive Garden, or Cracker Barrel. We'll probably eat at the restaurant.
Hard to Figure Things Out
I don't even know what my parents really wanted for me and what they thought was okay for me. It's like I had to be careful for people around me and who entered my personal life and left me with messages that imprinted my mind that I had to figure out.
My Parents
It seems like people want my dad to hurt me.
I always felt safer with my mom.
I had lots of expectations my parents could not meet.
I always felt safer with my mom.
I had lots of expectations my parents could not meet.
Chloë Moretz
So, other people are better for Chloë Moretz?
I need people to talk to and learn a lot from younger people because they copy and improve my generation.
I need people to talk to and learn a lot from younger people because they copy and improve my generation.
Chloë Moretz
So, other people are better for Chloë Moretz?
I need people to talk to and learn a lot from younger people because they copy and improve my generation.
I need people to talk to and learn a lot from younger people because they copy and improve my generation.
Dissing Kids
I guess they don't want kids to make the same mistake as their older siblings, but sometimes that "mistake" is not being bad like everyone else.
Tuesday, September 4, 2012
Why I'm Always Wrong
I don't get why people think I'm always wrong. Like, they think I should get attention from just anyone. I'm able to do that. Some people aren't as nice.
Mixed Europeans
I noticed mixed people in Europe, mixed with more than one European ethnicity, tend to be similar.
In the U.S., you don't know who has Native American.
In the U.S., you don't know who has Native American.
Working With Tim Burton Again?
My point also was that she would work with Tim Burton again. It's because he's worked with other people more than once.
Chloë Moretz
It's okay as a passing thought or issue to try to solve. Like, maybe, Chloë Moretz and I don't get along. I want to Tweet people involved in Tim Burton's movie, but I found Chloë Moretz especially nice.
Answer for Something
You're gonna have to answer for telling me I'm unworthy of Tweeting Chloë Moretz and of thinking if it seems like she likes seeing my Tweets every day so much that I am like tricking her giving her my time because I'm not worth it because you buffer yourself with thoughts like that when you do something wrong.
Copying Other Cultures
Tim Burton likes to surround people and see what they really want. He didn't used to be like that. His girlfriend tends to copy Americans, too. I don't know if her mom did that with her when she was younger.
Relationships
If it weren't for some people eventually wanting attention, would it keep people at bay for someone else being in a relationship?
Also, I believe people will always want what the other person has.
Also, I believe people will always want what the other person has.
What Makes You Okay
Why do people think you're okay if you act submissive after doing something wrong?
Bombarded With Information
Ever feel bombarded with information? I guess that happens when you're with other people.
Rubbing in Things
What do you think of rubbing in things the way you shouldn't or that you don't need to, that because you don't need to it shouldn't happen?
How I Felt
I just wasn't the type of person to feel that much other than straightforward feelings.
I know most kids weren't like that.
I know most kids weren't like that.
Something There That Wasn't There Before
I see some things in me now that I didn't see before.
I'm pretty worn down but with strength.
I'm pretty worn down but with strength.
Stopping up When You Feel
I stop up when I feel, but I also keep going in other ways because there's nothing to do. I don't have that still commanding presence, but maybe I used to more.
Also, it's good to be able to keep going a lot just for fun. You can sorta freeze, too.
Also, it's good to be able to keep going a lot just for fun. You can sorta freeze, too.
How I Felt..
Well, I don't mean so much ready or not as I was like prepared to take it in some way. I did feel off sometimes.
Like, it was never overwhelming in some way. It was like something I should have felt before. For some reason, I didn't develop as quickly as I could have.
I still don't feel as much as I'd like. It takes me awhile to unravel how other people feel. Sometimes, things strike me.
Like, I feel pretty collected, maybe too stringently.
Like, it was never overwhelming in some way. It was like something I should have felt before. For some reason, I didn't develop as quickly as I could have.
I still don't feel as much as I'd like. It takes me awhile to unravel how other people feel. Sometimes, things strike me.
Like, I feel pretty collected, maybe too stringently.
Feeling Things
I didn't feel things until I was ready. I'm guessing most people of every generation do.
I started out with kinda a little curly hair, but then it got straighter than anyone's hair I knew, at one point, but it was pretty straight, too, for awhile considering.
I started out with kinda a little curly hair, but then it got straighter than anyone's hair I knew, at one point, but it was pretty straight, too, for awhile considering.
Feeling Funny
I wonder why I get mad. I know curse words upset me and sometimes I'm in a bad mood. Sometimes, I guess I feel funny.
Menial Tasks
So, certain menial people, which there are no "menial people," prefer menial tasks. I was gonna say something else.
What is the importance of unnecessary menial tasks?
What is the importance of unnecessary menial tasks?
Explaining Things
Sometimes, you're not supposed to explain some things overly.
Sometimes, issues come up that shouldn't.
Sometimes, issues come up that shouldn't.
Why People Become Movie Stars
So, supposedly enjoying life is not what makes you want to be a movie star.
More Issues
I wonder why people don't want me to think critically.
It seems the U.K. is pretty crazy.
Why do I always feel disturbed like I did something bad and don't even deserve to have my life?
It seems the U.K. is pretty crazy.
Why do I always feel disturbed like I did something bad and don't even deserve to have my life?
Canceling Each Other Out
Don't thoughts cancel each other out? Like you assume one thing means something else is stronger, for example. The exact thoughts escape me.
Getting a Certain Feeling
Why are people like combining things that happened to come up with a conclusion to get a feeling? Like they don't remember what it was nor want any new ideas.
Why don't they want anything fixed, like an issue in a relationship?
Why don't they want anything fixed, like an issue in a relationship?
Feeling
Are you supposed to temporarily feel a way you shouldn't just because you don't know what to feel, yet?
Not Feeling Good About Yourself
What do you think of slowly prodding someone to not feel good about themselves?
3 New Videos of Me Coming Up
I'm loading a new video of me singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow" and 2 more of me singing "Running Up That Hill" by Kat Bush.
Monday, September 3, 2012
Ear Plugs
I found I shouldn't wear ear plugs because they give me pimples and I'd need too many clean ones.
Dreams?
Hm... I don't remember so well. I think they|it was more serious, reminiscent of being in a yellowish setting and about bills|money.
My mom was talking to me this morning before I went to bed and mentioned money|bills. So, this time, it was almost like I was holding some money|bills, feeling serious, kinda like being in a light house, too. We visited the oldest continuing city in the U.S., where we used to live, in northeastern Florida, and there's a lighthouse there. It's not by a crashing sea, though. It's even hard to remember if it was by the water, but it must have been.
My mom was talking to me this morning before I went to bed and mentioned money|bills. So, this time, it was almost like I was holding some money|bills, feeling serious, kinda like being in a light house, too. We visited the oldest continuing city in the U.S., where we used to live, in northeastern Florida, and there's a lighthouse there. It's not by a crashing sea, though. It's even hard to remember if it was by the water, but it must have been.
Prestige
So people want me to feel that they truly have prestige over me, totally.
Why me, why this?
Why me, why this?
Good Explosions!
Do you like explosions like Johnny Depp in Pirates of the Caribbean? I saw 3 first.
Being Mean to Me
Supposedly people can't help cursing.
Also, though, unsuspecting people have been overly forward with me.
Also, though, unsuspecting people have been overly forward with me.
Tim Burton
Wow, Tim Burton sure is inviting with his "personal life" he uses as a tool. It's funny he gets antsy when the time comes. He seems mellow.
Chloë Moretz
So, why do other people talk to Chloë Moretz, like often, I realize other actors.. :/ I want to be an actor and am an accomplished person in all the arts in various communities.
Why, otherwise, would I be "expected" to Tweet her? I do it and have fun. :|
It was good for me. Why should I be separated from moving up in the world. It's the thing to do. Technology. Communication. Hanging out with younger people who actually seem to have the same interests.
Why, otherwise, would I be "expected" to Tweet her? I do it and have fun. :|
It was good for me. Why should I be separated from moving up in the world. It's the thing to do. Technology. Communication. Hanging out with younger people who actually seem to have the same interests.
Tweeting
Chloë Moretz can chose to notice my posts and answer or react to them. I posted somewhere, even hosted on my website, that my Tweets are not meant to be followed|responded to. They were there for me to have fun collecting and writing to Tweets. I would be happy to get attention, though, but don't expect|command it.
Suggestions
People think everything is suggestive now but don't know they could get insulted back. They might think they're in the right and have people to defend them, but they'll find themselves upset.
Cursing at Me and Leaving Suggestive Signs
So, howcome all of a sudden people are rubbing in what seems like curse words and signs to me? I didn't even do anything wrong.
Bothering Me...
Why do people keep fighting me and making a big deal over things, in order to hide their weakness?
Tweets to Chloë Moretz
Why aren't my Tweets on my past and present account to Chloë Moretz showing up?
Everything They Want
It seems like they do suddenly give one person everything they want just because they plotted around them.
Double Judgements
I guess people just idealize their wrong desires and judgements against innocent people together to make a decision.
Tim Burton
Tim Burton wants to pleasure people when he finds out someone else is not white, when he's usually pretty strict, like something will happen.
Tim Burton Listening to Helena Bonham Carter
I can tell Tim Burton has been listening to Helena Bonham Carter in how he puts matters aside and then puts on a super jolly spirit. What happens then?
Tim Burton's Kids
So, Tim Burton is playing around with his kids's personalities to prove a point? That he's going out of the way to show what he will do for the world?
Sunday, September 2, 2012
Not All There, Myself....
I don't have everything there all the time, but it always comes out right. :|
How Different Kinds of Arts Feel
Don't musicians and actors feel more than artists and dancers?
Artists and dancers are smart, though.
Artists and dancers are smart, though.
Killing People
Why break a man?
Maybe, we should like flash things in front of people that they can't coordinate or that are useless. No.
Maybe, we should like flash things in front of people that they can't coordinate or that are useless. No.
D: Ah! What do I do now?
No one cares how uncomfortable my life is when I've taken good care of myself. They think everyone should be the same.
Mad - Disturbed!!!!
What's so good about taking on things you can't handle? Why not just leave me alone! What's going on!!!
Tim Burton Versus Johnny Depp
What if we all like Tim Burton better than Johnny Depp because Helena is his girlfriend?
My Mom
I was with my mom a lot when I was little, like her holding me or carrying me. I know, I felt uncomfortable around her for awhile and more comfortable around my dad, but now my mom makes me feel better and my dad I dunno I guess we're kinda over it. :|
Cursing
When is cursing ever justified? I did say "white trash" came out as a term, but that's because "black" is a term. I think I mentioned about saying that, though. :|
Finding People Who Enjoy Thinking|Who Think. :p
I guess they're finding people who think and making sure they aren't too silly in a stimulating way.
Judging People Together
Do you judge people once they're together?
Or how together are they?
It's easy enough to find a date if your life is going right.
Or how together are they?
It's easy enough to find a date if your life is going right.
Tim Burton and Helena Bonham Carter
For some reason, Tim Burton seems right with Helena Bonham Carter.
People's Capacities
capacity
I guess people who are fat are still waiting to happen, when the time is right. Same with thin people. I'm thinking of adults, though.
I wonder if it's ever right to take away someone's dignity and the fact they're attractive and in the process of intellectualizing.
So, what are people with quite dark hair really like? My parents aren't like very dark. They're not blond, though. In fact, you've been able to see pictures of my dad with black hair, and my mom is Chinese-Indonesian. My dad's eyes are blue, though. 8/
I think it's about the past. I know a lot of people are nice with different looks.
I think Tim Burton wants command racially, like a total submission to the European race. Some people are afraid to do some things, though. How is that submission to the European race?
I guess people who are fat are still waiting to happen, when the time is right. Same with thin people. I'm thinking of adults, though.
I wonder if it's ever right to take away someone's dignity and the fact they're attractive and in the process of intellectualizing.
So, what are people with quite dark hair really like? My parents aren't like very dark. They're not blond, though. In fact, you've been able to see pictures of my dad with black hair, and my mom is Chinese-Indonesian. My dad's eyes are blue, though. 8/
I think it's about the past. I know a lot of people are nice with different looks.
I think Tim Burton wants command racially, like a total submission to the European race. Some people are afraid to do some things, though. How is that submission to the European race?
What's Okay and What's Not Okay
I wonder why it's okay for Helena Bonham Carter to do some things and not others. Like with Tim Burton.
I've been wondering about why other people aren't as good as Tim Burton. I guess we just have to make our way.
I've been wondering about why other people aren't as good as Tim Burton. I guess we just have to make our way.
Something I Just Noticed
Why does Tim Burton's son seem so confident around his dad but submissive to his mom? I think their daughter is submissive around both.
Taking our Time
It seems that in the end they want their children to be on top of us, so why waste their time, Tim Burton?
Tim Burton and the Arts
Why would you be encouraged to be in a Tim Burton movie and then told not to be?
It seems there is always one more reason, too.
Also, it seems normal to be in one movie, but I've seen people want other people to return, instead.
Some people are highly wanted, as well.
I feel the only reason I'm into movies is because of Tim Burton. I ended up getting fatter, but it wasn't because of him. I eventually got even fatter, which wasn't as big a deal as getting fatter to begin with, and eventually posted online, though I was also interested in Johnny Depp. It's just that Tim Burton is more of an open person. Maybe, Johnny Depp is, too.
I always thought it'd be cool to be a movie star but was trying to succeed in the arts.
It seems there is always one more reason, too.
Also, it seems normal to be in one movie, but I've seen people want other people to return, instead.
Some people are highly wanted, as well.
I feel the only reason I'm into movies is because of Tim Burton. I ended up getting fatter, but it wasn't because of him. I eventually got even fatter, which wasn't as big a deal as getting fatter to begin with, and eventually posted online, though I was also interested in Johnny Depp. It's just that Tim Burton is more of an open person. Maybe, Johnny Depp is, too.
I always thought it'd be cool to be a movie star but was trying to succeed in the arts.
"Night of the Living Dead"
Tim Burton is doing Night of the Living Dead, so if I don't be Mai, then I'll probably do that as the 20-year-old girl. I'm not saying I'm bound to play these roles, but it would be the "right" decision. :|
I guess it isn't in the spirit of things to play older roles set apart. It may be for like a teenager to play a teenager for once.
I guess it isn't in the spirit of things to play older roles set apart. It may be for like a teenager to play a teenager for once.
Re-Imagining
Why are people always re-imagining I'm in trouble?
Like, I do something, and I try to achieve something, and then it turns to muddle.
Like, I do something, and I try to achieve something, and then it turns to muddle.
Okay.
So, it seems to be in right now, for some reason, to constantly interpose I don't deserve to do things I'm doing to make myself happy. It also seems wanted that I remain secluded until I'm in an appropriate mood. My ear was hurting a lot from a pimple.
It just seems it was a thing to do randomly just to challenge me.
It just seems it was a thing to do randomly just to challenge me.
Types of Feeling People
Also, feeling things is awkward, in some ways, but some relationships just exist. For some reason, it seems complicated for a more older person to affect you, some, like in touching you and stuff, dunno. Like, it's sad when someone doesn't seem in the spirit to be affective like others, maybe makes them sad. Like, I know some intellectual people are more clean cut and stimulating and some people also really enjoy some intellectual things. Most people seem to have a more touchy side in their own "mushy" way, though.
Dream
So, it wasn't tacky like because it was just like I was a little girl, kinda like having an adopted mom. It was neat, though, I had the composure I had today rather than feeling totally smothered or something. I tend to reject that or not have had the opportunity as much to feel quite like that, often at least. I really don't, now.
I was just completely comfortable.
In some ways, you can compensate the idea, though not when concentrating on one side, that it's like give and take, you can be like both, touch someone else or let someone else touch you.
I like that high quality, sorta "neat" quality of being touched and feeling that I assume everyone craves. However, I feel more like I did what was obviously desired like the people who administer these feelings. I know that other people are affected by them, even if they're not like them. It's not limited to race, neither, but it seems that often Caucasians do more of this.
By that quality I mean like it seems sorta pre-planned, kinda like what people in the arts give the vibe of for some reason. It's interesting, like in gymnastics and such things, you feel different ways, supposedly. Dunno, though.
Or maybe it's more of that family feel, too, but perhaps more desirable as that publicized or artsy quality, rather, it seems.
But, it was nice, it was just like the person was my mom. It's interesting how I felt that when I was awake. It was a literal thought. It was like that in age and technically. I've written how you can feel thoughts, like happy or generous thoughts, not as ideas but as the feelings themselves, though these feelings don't last as long as they seem they should.
I assume everyone feels complexly, not sure how physical and like combined as emotional.
Also, I'm having my female thing. I had a very very little like the other day or so ago, so it's interesting. I hope it's substantial because since having that pill I don't need (psychiatric pill) I haven't but got off it. It gave me a tumor under my brain, too. Yes, it's connected. It's under a gland under the brain. They probably won't ever operate because it's so small. I get one more brain scan.
It's true I've been acting more commanding realizing my kids could get hurt if submissive, and I don't want to like depend on the husband-father.
Yea, my female thing has been pretty light, whereas before it was always very heavy, sometimes not as heavy as usual but not often.
So, anyway, I had a partly nice dream. :) It was a big awkward but somehow happened. :| Not sure why, but it was nice. It gives me ideas and makes me feel more calm, at least. One day, I will get to help people like that in real life. That's not what you're supposed to be thinking when it's about you because the other person doesn't want to think like that in that situation, themselves. I don't see how I will do it, one day, exactly, but I guess it's kinda in my will to do it or something. Depends on if it's invited, too.
Also, I feel different in the situation of my generation as to later ones. Like, it seems more suggestive in ways, I guess, physically, maybe a good thing. I forget if I was to say something I haven't in this arena. I've felt like reflections of how I'd want like my kids to feel, a molding or improvement of how I felt, somehow, interesting to sit and try to imagine.
I was just completely comfortable.
In some ways, you can compensate the idea, though not when concentrating on one side, that it's like give and take, you can be like both, touch someone else or let someone else touch you.
I like that high quality, sorta "neat" quality of being touched and feeling that I assume everyone craves. However, I feel more like I did what was obviously desired like the people who administer these feelings. I know that other people are affected by them, even if they're not like them. It's not limited to race, neither, but it seems that often Caucasians do more of this.
By that quality I mean like it seems sorta pre-planned, kinda like what people in the arts give the vibe of for some reason. It's interesting, like in gymnastics and such things, you feel different ways, supposedly. Dunno, though.
Or maybe it's more of that family feel, too, but perhaps more desirable as that publicized or artsy quality, rather, it seems.
But, it was nice, it was just like the person was my mom. It's interesting how I felt that when I was awake. It was a literal thought. It was like that in age and technically. I've written how you can feel thoughts, like happy or generous thoughts, not as ideas but as the feelings themselves, though these feelings don't last as long as they seem they should.
I assume everyone feels complexly, not sure how physical and like combined as emotional.
Also, I'm having my female thing. I had a very very little like the other day or so ago, so it's interesting. I hope it's substantial because since having that pill I don't need (psychiatric pill) I haven't but got off it. It gave me a tumor under my brain, too. Yes, it's connected. It's under a gland under the brain. They probably won't ever operate because it's so small. I get one more brain scan.
It's true I've been acting more commanding realizing my kids could get hurt if submissive, and I don't want to like depend on the husband-father.
Yea, my female thing has been pretty light, whereas before it was always very heavy, sometimes not as heavy as usual but not often.
So, anyway, I had a partly nice dream. :) It was a big awkward but somehow happened. :| Not sure why, but it was nice. It gives me ideas and makes me feel more calm, at least. One day, I will get to help people like that in real life. That's not what you're supposed to be thinking when it's about you because the other person doesn't want to think like that in that situation, themselves. I don't see how I will do it, one day, exactly, but I guess it's kinda in my will to do it or something. Depends on if it's invited, too.
Also, I feel different in the situation of my generation as to later ones. Like, it seems more suggestive in ways, I guess, physically, maybe a good thing. I forget if I was to say something I haven't in this arena. I've felt like reflections of how I'd want like my kids to feel, a molding or improvement of how I felt, somehow, interesting to sit and try to imagine.
Dream
I just wrote a bunch of stuff that was erased. It's the first time Blogger didn't save it. I guess it's because I have to enter a code when I post. It only asks for it once, though.
I don't remember all I dreamed, but here's the dream I remember:
Well, it was about someone holding me. There was a dimly lit place with curtains about. There were contained places and platforms. I guess it was more hot in tone.
First, this person was a lesbian and not old enough to be my parent. She had a baby. I went to visit, and I felt a lot of feeling from the baby in a way. I was happy to give other people a turn to visit. I guess they were a bit younger but adult girls.
So, some girls from high school a year older, could recognize 2 of them, asked me to go with them across ramps and through a room and areas.
The first person I mentioned's baby daughter became a young girl, maybe age 4, and she was holding her over her head.
Later, there was a dance, and the person held me, and I guess I was supposedly like a young girl but not in my former self. She pressed against me, and I usually feel in my private area but not like anything bad like it seems other people feel things that are more inappropriate, like just a pure soft feeling. I need to start to be a person of feeling all over myself. I mean I tap into it, but I myself don't feel there like that often, unsure why, not around people as much lately touching me and stuff. So, I guess my size was that my feet were dangling from the floor about 1 1|2 feet. I was kinda flat, attractive, too. I don't mean like a paper, more like smooth and straight shaped sentimented. I guess I was actually thin yet a little blubbery yet not too saggy in unattractive way. So, I just felt like sheltered and like she was my mom, totally comfortable in the situation, was like a little girl I mean but just like kinda the same person I am now, I guess. For some reason, no one could see me. It was like a platform or something where we looked on a larger area, maybe seemed kinda Disney Middle Eastern in coloring at least but European|Caucasian more. So, then, she was also holding her baby, who looked different, now, like it was someone with older parents I just realized. So, I saw what it looked like and that no one saw though it was tackily shrouded in black with like short triangle shaped hats and like an overall shrouding. Then, the baby grew up. I got more stumpy with long thin ankle areas and felt I was hovered over on the side, like I was in no happiness to do this any longer. It was different after a somewhat short while when she was holding her baby, too. Then, she had another small baby, maybe with even older parents seeming I also just realized now. So, I felt I didn't like it anymore and I guess she agreed.
Before my dream, I was thinking of someone being like my mom though from my mom's side, like the relationship more, maybe with the influence of my dad.
I was touching or thinking of touching in my dream, but it's funny when you're being touched or going to be touched like.
I know people sometimes feel turned on by people other than their parents. It might be if another person has a certain way they are compared to the other parent or also fits you as a person how you came out to like from your parents.
I guess with older people, you end up getting touched in your relationship.
I don't really like the mushy, sorta menial feeling and am unsure why other seem to. Maybe, they don't really. I don't think all generations were like this. I guess it's considered tacky to some. They feel good, too, though, in their own way.
It seems you don't have to be touched yourself to affect someone else and know what you're doing. However, maybe you need relationships with older people or at least desire it.
I don't remember all I dreamed, but here's the dream I remember:
Well, it was about someone holding me. There was a dimly lit place with curtains about. There were contained places and platforms. I guess it was more hot in tone.
First, this person was a lesbian and not old enough to be my parent. She had a baby. I went to visit, and I felt a lot of feeling from the baby in a way. I was happy to give other people a turn to visit. I guess they were a bit younger but adult girls.
So, some girls from high school a year older, could recognize 2 of them, asked me to go with them across ramps and through a room and areas.
The first person I mentioned's baby daughter became a young girl, maybe age 4, and she was holding her over her head.
Later, there was a dance, and the person held me, and I guess I was supposedly like a young girl but not in my former self. She pressed against me, and I usually feel in my private area but not like anything bad like it seems other people feel things that are more inappropriate, like just a pure soft feeling. I need to start to be a person of feeling all over myself. I mean I tap into it, but I myself don't feel there like that often, unsure why, not around people as much lately touching me and stuff. So, I guess my size was that my feet were dangling from the floor about 1 1|2 feet. I was kinda flat, attractive, too. I don't mean like a paper, more like smooth and straight shaped sentimented. I guess I was actually thin yet a little blubbery yet not too saggy in unattractive way. So, I just felt like sheltered and like she was my mom, totally comfortable in the situation, was like a little girl I mean but just like kinda the same person I am now, I guess. For some reason, no one could see me. It was like a platform or something where we looked on a larger area, maybe seemed kinda Disney Middle Eastern in coloring at least but European|Caucasian more. So, then, she was also holding her baby, who looked different, now, like it was someone with older parents I just realized. So, I saw what it looked like and that no one saw though it was tackily shrouded in black with like short triangle shaped hats and like an overall shrouding. Then, the baby grew up. I got more stumpy with long thin ankle areas and felt I was hovered over on the side, like I was in no happiness to do this any longer. It was different after a somewhat short while when she was holding her baby, too. Then, she had another small baby, maybe with even older parents seeming I also just realized now. So, I felt I didn't like it anymore and I guess she agreed.
Before my dream, I was thinking of someone being like my mom though from my mom's side, like the relationship more, maybe with the influence of my dad.
I was touching or thinking of touching in my dream, but it's funny when you're being touched or going to be touched like.
I know people sometimes feel turned on by people other than their parents. It might be if another person has a certain way they are compared to the other parent or also fits you as a person how you came out to like from your parents.
I guess with older people, you end up getting touched in your relationship.
I don't really like the mushy, sorta menial feeling and am unsure why other seem to. Maybe, they don't really. I don't think all generations were like this. I guess it's considered tacky to some. They feel good, too, though, in their own way.
It seems you don't have to be touched yourself to affect someone else and know what you're doing. However, maybe you need relationships with older people or at least desire it.
Good Versus Bad
Also, certain kinds of people are allowed to mess up once in awhile. They aren't outright deviously planning against anyone. Why reward people who do that?
Being Mean
I don't find it creative to administer deeds in case something goes wrong nor to think it's okay to be mean to anyone.
It might be okay, but some people aren't ready to do that in the right way. What they say doesn't really matter. In some way it does, but I guess you'd have to figure out a way to explain the multiple meanings that implies.
It might be okay, but some people aren't ready to do that in the right way. What they say doesn't really matter. In some way it does, but I guess you'd have to figure out a way to explain the multiple meanings that implies.
People Getting Worked up Over Me
It's already been established by the world that it's okay to take out anger in certain ways, which includes throwing things as long as it doesn't break anything nor I guess scare anyone in the house too much.
American History in High School
Why did I have a problem with American History in high school?
That summer, I didn't visit up north my relatives.
American History was hard.
I stayed home during the summer this time and was in a musical and early college. It was the kid's musical program which was in the summer. The next year, they made a play during the year for the first time since I'd been there, though.
I even quit most of my activities. I just stayed in church adult choir, until the new director made a youth one, too, and started doing the ballet as the adult class on Saturdays.
I wasn't encouraged further to change to Honors from a harder program to take a test to get out of a college class.
That summer, I didn't visit up north my relatives.
American History was hard.
I stayed home during the summer this time and was in a musical and early college. It was the kid's musical program which was in the summer. The next year, they made a play during the year for the first time since I'd been there, though.
I even quit most of my activities. I just stayed in church adult choir, until the new director made a youth one, too, and started doing the ballet as the adult class on Saturdays.
I wasn't encouraged further to change to Honors from a harder program to take a test to get out of a college class.
Controlling Things, Indirectly
I think, though, that other people get into trouble for trying to control things, indirectly.
Things That Change
Why is it in the plan for anyone to be vicious to me? What if I slightly altered things? Maybe, I could just keep doing things like it didn't matter, like talk random things that didn't connect. What would it do? I know I could probably take it. :|
Oh well, just looking into things, whereas most people don't do that until it's too late. See, I'm not vicious|mad.
Oh well, just looking into things, whereas most people don't do that until it's too late. See, I'm not vicious|mad.
Tim Burton's Daughter
I could tell in the video of her that she, however, when you see her move, seems just like her daddy. However, Lily Rose Depp looks like him as a photograph and moves like a kid.
Tim Burton's Daugther
I guess Tim Burton's daughter molds herself after him but not in the way I believe people are essentially the same in that sometimes you do essentially the same thing as someone more when you aren't like molding yourself in their likeness in some other way, like by having fat drip off your face in a funny way if you used to be skinnier, for instance.
Don't Act Asian
I wonder if Chloë Moretz thought I was against her with my Asian background. I think people around the world, kids, feed off the fact they aren't Asian to better themselves. I don't act Asian, at all.
Tim Burton Helping Helena Bonham Carter
I wonder if Tim Burton can fix Helena Bonham Carter's problems.
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